Inner Dialogue

No, not really. My fantasy life is waiting for Lancelot to ride in on his gallant stallion and sweep me away to a life of peace and happiness in the castle by the lake. My reality life knows that the chances of that happening are about equal to having Ed McMahon show up on my doorstep with the Publisher's Clearing House Prize Patrol. The reality is that I have been emotionally single for years anyhow. Where I am right now isn't that different from where I've been for a long time.

I would love to have someone to have conversations with, to think big thoughts with, to have fun with... someone to lean on when times are tough, someone I could trust with my heart and soul. I don't want someone to dump all my troubles on, just someone who knows when I need a little extra strength and is willing to share. Someone with a passion for living, someone with a vision for his life, someone who is independent but not afraid to embrace his weaknesses and learn from them. Someone who can laugh at life and himself and someone who is comfortable in his masculinity and not threatened by a confident, intelligent woman. A companion and partner in life and living. It sounds like a tall order to me... and I am not even sure someone like that exists.

I am at the point in my life where experience has given me perspective. I don't NEED someone to fix me, save me, rescue me from the dragon's lair. I don't NEED someone to pay my bills, take care of my problems, raise my kids. I have a sure knowledge that I have the capacity to take care of myself and my family. I have learned that there is a huge difference between being alone and being lonely. I take great comfort and strength from my circle of friends who support me in ways they aren't even aware of. I get passionate about my teaching, about learning, about building community within my circle of influence. Those things energize me and carry me through the tough times.

So, back to the begining... Do I like being single? No. But I am ok with it. I am always open to new opportunities, new friendships, new people in my life. I never know where a year will take me, but I am learning to enjoy the ride for what it is worth.