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March 31, 2007

Computer Recycling Project

How do geeks spend their first weekend of Spring Break? Parting out old Pentium I, II, and III computers, of course. Our club is working with the campus IT department. We provide the manpower to sanitize hard drives, salvage usable components, and sort parts into recycle stacks. In exchange, the club gets to keep the more usable PIIIs and upgrade them with the salvaged parts. The college clears out a huge backlog of old machines and our guys get toys to play with :) It's a win-win situation!

At dinner time, I made them all go outside and experience something rather foreign to my geek squad... sunlight, blue sky, and fresh air. They resisted at first, but they have learned that with me, resistance is futile. I made them kick around a soccer ball and play frisbee for a while. We ate pizza, played around, and took a breather from the work indoors. They couldn't wait to get back inside and on to their tasks, however.

Sometime after dark, two of the faculty came in to visit and I think they were blown away by what they saw. Later on, the dad of my daughter's friend came to pick her up and couldn't believe all these people were here working this hard, especially when I told him they weren't getting paid or getting units. Why were they there then? Because they are technologists, and where computers are, they will follow. Where else would they be?

At the end of the day (which came around 11pm), around 20 people had put in time from noon on, parting out almost 100 machines. I still couldn't get some of them to go and finally had to push them out the door. We plan on meeting again tomorrow to implement Phase II of our project and I expect that I will see the same energy and enthusiasm as I did today. I told someone tonight that there isn't a day that goes by that I don't wake up and count my blessings to be a part of such an amazing group of people. Everyone should be so fortunate :)

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blank page

Sometimes I feel like I should be writing, but I'm not quite sure what I should be writing about. Or that I should have a lot to say, but am not quite sure how to say it. It's sort of like there is a germ of an idea there that is waiting to be expressed, but it's not fully mature enough to blossom into prose. Tonight is one such night. As always, there are several currents of conflicting emotions competing with each other to see which surfaces first. If I listed things on each side of a folder page, the columns would be just about even. Perhaps that is what keeps me overall balanced? or is it off-balance?

March 30, 2007

truth

"When things happen the same way every time." ~Steve Kurti

March 29, 2007

uh huh

"Sometimes people put up walls not to keep others out... but to see who cares enough to tear them down."

~MySpace image quote

exactumundo

I've had the chance to share a couple of things with one of my newer students in the last couple of days. He is a thoughtful young man who lives just a few miles down the road. I sort of knew him through MySpace because he was on the top friends list of most of my other students. He was away at school but came home this semester and ended up in my robotics class. It's been a pleasure to get to know him.

So tonight we ended up chatting about politics. It started when he told me about the BudLight Apology-bot message he sent to his mom. I'm a pro at playing devil's advocate, regardless of which side of the fence I am sitting on, so without giving away my personal position, we started discussing the current president. The other day I had shared with him my life lesson #1: Accept people for who they are, not who you want them to be. Tonight he got #2: just because someone doesn't agree with your world view doesn't make them evil or bad, it just makes them different. That led to a very, very good discussion on current politics. I love being able to talk about something as potentially inflamatory as politics with someone who knows how to be cool, rational, and intelligent in their arguments. It was a fun chat that ended like this:

DK (8:14) good discussion, btw... nice to do it with someone who can think intelligently
BF (8:14) thanks I feel the same way. they are always a educational experiences
DK (8:15) that's what we're here for ... if you aren't always learning something, what's the point?
BF (8:15) exactumundo

WhatMothsEat.com

Emilee just caught a couple of HUGE moths outside. We put them in a pickle jar and then Matt wanted to know what moths eat. I told him I had no idea. Rachel said she knew how we could find out. She told me to get the computer and then go to WhatMothsEat.com... lol... everything my kids want to know they think they can find at "something.com". We did find the right answer at the Kansas State University site "Learn More about Butterflies and Moths - FAQs"

on the beach

Today and tomorrow are full days with no classes so I might actually make a dent in the emails and report writing I need to do. Then again, I might just go home and take a nap! Or maybe go play on the swings in the park. It's all a toss up at the moment. I had someone tell me I was acting like a teenager on the beach last weekend, but hey, who can resist spinning in the moonlight with outstretched arms, alternately chasing and running from waves as they come rolling up the sandy shores? Shoes off, jeans rolled up, freedom to be who I want to be. Certainly not me! When I need to feel a sense of balance, I close my eyes and place myself there, dancing in the moonlight, listening to the crashing waves, smelling the crisp salty air, feeling the cool ocean water on my feet, the sand between my toes, and the breeze on my face. It's one of the places where all of my senses are fully engaged, where my mind can synchronize with the rhythm of the universe, where the music of my soul can be fully expressed.


Nakyta's Picture - Malibu

March 28, 2007

how he sees me?

[23:49] Sunrunner Homewood: ok; i'd say you are a very intelligent, warm hearted person who loves her work and is pretty much a confident outgoing person
[23:51] Kilgore Antelope: well, i guess some of those things are for others to decide, so you would have to ask those who know me
[23:52] Kilgore Antelope: but i think you are pretty close to the mark
[23:52] Sunrunner Homewood: ah, ok, i forgot sincerly humble and modest - nice touches btw ;) :D

a rose by any other name...

Main Entry: tired

Part of Speech: adjective

Definition: exhausted

Synonyms: annoyed, asleep, beat*, beat up, bored, broken-down, burned out*, collapsing, consumed, distressed, dog-tired*, done for*, done in*, drained, drooping, droopy, drowsy, empty, enervated, exasperated, fagged, faint, fatigued, fed up*, finished, flagging, haggard, irked, irritated, jaded, narcoleptic, overtaxed, overworked, petered out*, played out*, pooped*, pooped out, prostrated, run-down, sick of, sleepy, spent, stale, tuckered out*, wasted, weary, whacked, worn, worn out

Antonyms: energized, fresh, invigorated

Source: Roget's New Millennium™ Thesaurus, First Edition (v 1.3.1)
Copyright © 2007 by Lexico Publishing Group, LLC. All rights reserved.
* = informal or slang

oops...

Note to self: even when you think ALL of the embers have died and you have doused the entire area with gallons of water, something can still stir up a spark into a flame and unexpected results can happen. Is this a metaphor for things that happen in real life? Can a spark that was once thought dead flare up into something more once again? And is that a good thing? Or do you just end up getting burned?


Goat Pen - Shelter No MoreGoat Pen - Shelter No More

March 27, 2007

common culture

I told Gavin the other day that he could only be a card-carrying member of the Nerd Herd when he could recite his favorite quote from Monte Python, verbatim, and with the appropriate accent. We have created a shared culture in this group, one that revolves around Python Quotes, curiousity about new technology, lego robotics, SNL skits, and explosives. One person can start to gallop like a horse and another will do the coconut clap to follow. We have shared experiences ("what happens in the van stays in the van!"), common aspirations (we WILL make it work!), and the trust it takes to make mistakes and learn from them. We give each other a hard time, all the time, but we know that in the end, we are there for each other. That's what a community is all about :)

Nerd Herd World Tour: Day 3

I'm almost recovered (with emphasis on the ALMOST) from the Nerd Herd World Tour. I'm finally recouperated enough to write up the last day. We had a 15 passenger van and a car or two in our caravan, travelled about 700 miles total, visited two University of California campuses, and got to see inside a supercomputer, eat in a campus dining commons, and play on Laguna Beach at sunset among many other things. Quite a journey. Suffice to say that next time I am including a NDA as part of the paperwork to sign as our motto for this trip became "what happens in the van stays in the van!".

Saturday morning started in Lake Forest as we kicked back and ate breakfast. Some folks played chess, while others skateboarded or just relaxed as we got ready to start the day's activities. We then drove down to San Diego to watch the regional FIRST Robotics competition. Unbelieveable energy as teams of high school kids worked together to complete the challenge. We had the opportunity to visit with the teams from Mojave (Where's Waldo) and Tehachapi (CyberDucks). Both were excited about the idea of working with us when we get back home and I learned more about sponsoring a high school team here in Ridgecrest. I definitely think this is something we can do!

On the way home, we stopped off at Laguna Beach just in time for the sun to set over the horizon. We spent an hour or two with our toes in the sand playing around in the waves on a perfect spring evening. A few brave people decided to jump in the water... brrrr! It wasn't easy to drag ourselves away from the ocean and back to the van, but it was a long drive home and we had to get started. Our day ended back at Cerro Coso around midnight. I think everyone was ready for their own bed!

I need to spend some time today sending out thank you emails to our hosts along the way as well as following up on contacts and leads for future activities. There is a possibility of bringing a guest speaker to campus in the fall that I am very excited about. This was a great learning experience for all of us on many levels and I am looking forward to the next time we all hit the road (once I get some more sleep, that is).

Lake Forest: Alec & Frank playing chess
Mojave Team: Where's Waldo?
Emilee
Laguna Beach: Robert & Ruth

March 26, 2007

time for a change

I'm up late. I crawled into bed. I turned off the lights. I was thinking about a conversation I had earlier in the night about my blog and who the audience for my writings are. I am the audience. That's how it's always been. A place to keep track of my thoughts, to organize my ideas, to untangle the crazy web I weave at times. And then a thought came to me. It was time for a change. The name has been the same since somewhere around July 2004. In one meme, "Inner Dialogue, conversations i have with myself", popped into my mind. And so it is to be. Farewell "A balanced life: You have the freedom to be yourself, your true self, here and now, and nothing can stand in your way." You served me well but now it is time for another to take your place. Let's see where that takes us.

Burn Day

Got a lot done today. We burned piles and piles of tumbleweeds. I actually really love doing that although the smoke kills me. There is something magical about watching the flames dance around the branches, caressing before consuming, burning down into glowing embers. I couldn't resist picking up the camera to try and capture the moment.

Andy burning tumbleweeds in Inyokern

Glowing embers

March 25, 2007

finding zen

Sunset over Laguna Beach... I am definitely in my zen mode when I am on the shores of the Pacific Ocean. It becomes a spiritual experience, one of the only places on earth where I feel close to God and a part of the universe around me. I can tune out the rest of the world with it's worries and responsibilities and just *be*.

Laguna Sunset

March 23, 2007

Yep

"Not all who wander are lost"

~ bumper sticker in the parking lot of UC San Diego

The Nerd Herd World Tour - Day Two

Stardate Intergalactic Time: 190324.1519.40

Yesterday (Friday) morning started off with breakfast at UC Riverside (again, we got a LOT for our $3!) before meeting up with a campus tour guide to take a tour of the entire campus. We learned the UCR was founded as a land grant agriculture university and that they have created numerous varieties of citrus and other crops that are being grown today. Did you know that they have the largest collection of sci fi and fantasy books in North America? And that they have a copy of Fahrenheit 451 bound in asbestos? And remember those 6' hissing Madagascar cockroaches that starred in Fear Factor? Guess where those came from? Yummy!

We piled into the van and headed south to the UC San Diego Supercomputer. After checking in with Dr. Ross Walker, computational chemist and SuperComputer SuperGeek, we had lunch on campus. What exactly is a SuperComputer? Well here are some specs:

* IBM DataStar, which offers 15.6 teraflops of compute power
* IBM BlueGene eServer, which provides 17.2 teraflops of compute power
* TeraGrid Cluster, which offers 4.1 teraflops Linux cluster that is part of the national TeraGrid distributed platform
* 25 petabytes of archival data storage and 1.4 petabytes of online disk storage

In case that doesn't mean much to you... let's just say it's one MEGA MACHINE! Can't pick this one up at Best Buy (actually can't pick it up at ALL). Corey, do you think we can put in a request for one of these with the next $120 million spare dollars we have? If not, then maybe I can get some funding for an hour or two on the machine. It's only $25,000 an hour to use. That would make one heck of a WOW game! I'm sure I can find that in my VTEA budget somewhere ;)

We saw some of the simulation work that the supercomputer does, including the next big earthquake fallout zone. Lancaster was on the map. Let's just say it's not pretty and that beach front property we joke about... well it might not be as far fetched as we think.

But what made the biggest impression with our Mojave Desert students (ok, so not the BIGGEST, but BIG)? Being able to wrestle on the HUGE lawn area at UCR and driving by the beach for miles and miles on the way to San Diego...lol. GRASS? OCEAN? What is that?? lol.

Day 2 Pictures: http://flickr.com/photos/debbyk/sets/72157600023311212/

Debby Kilburn
Nerd Herd Herder




March 22, 2007

UC Riverside - The Nerd Herd is on the move!

Thursday we all piled into vans and trucks and headed south to UC Riverside. After taking the scenic tour of the campus (ie: getting lost walking around) we arrived at the VisLab were PhD candidate Rui Li have us a tour of their research facilities. After that we went to the bookstore to pick up some goodies (like Ninja and Pirate bandaids) before heading to the housing office to get set up for the night. After students were paired with their Ambassadors we went to the dining commons. Have you ever seen young men in an All-You-Can-Eat dining hall? We sure got our $3 worth!!

Pictures are up at http://flickr.com/photos/debbyk/sets/72157600017459811/. I'll fill in more details when we get home.

On tomorrow's agenda? A campus tour of UCR before heading south for the UC SanDiego Supercomputer Center where one of their research scientists will give us a tour of their facilities. Tonight we are spending the night in Lake Forest. Can anyone say LAGUNA BEACH??

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March 21, 2007

Where I'll Be

Here's what I'll be doing for the next few days. Taking about a dozen of the nerd herd and heading south. It's gonna be a blast!

Thursday
Arrive at Cerro Coso library parking lot 8:30am
Leave Cerro Coso 9am
UCR Lunch - noon
Tour of UCR VisLab (http://vislab.ucr.edu) - 2pm Led by Rui Li, PhD student

The Visualization and Intelligent Systems Laboratory (VISLab) is involved in basic and applied research developing intelligent systems for automatic object recognition, learning in computer vision and pattern recognition, multimodal biometrics, image and video databases, autonomous navigation, network monitoring and intrusion detection, remote sensing, manufacturing, and various industrial, medical, and biological applications. It undertakes research in computer vision, pattern recognition, image processing, machine learning, artificial intelligence, multimedia databases, robotics, man/machine interfaces, computer graphics, CAD/CAM, geometric modeling, perception, transportation, and the environment. Research is also directed for integrating computer graphics, computer vision and image processing in scientific and engineering applications.

Friday
University of San Diego Supercomputer Center - 2pm
http://www.sdsc.edu/
Tour Time: Friday, 2pm
Tour Host: Dr. Ross Walker

Ross (PhD, Computational Chemistry) is formally trained as a computational chemist but has diversified into the life sciences arena. He has extensive experience in Molecular Dynamics simulations and is an active developer of both AMBER and CHARMM. He has considerable experience in porting and optimizing molecular dynamics codes for massively parallel computers. Ross has worked with both message passing and threads-based programming paradigms. His research work is centered on force field development, QM/MM MD development, and enzyme reaction path modelling.

Founded in 1985, the San Diego Supercomputer Center (SDSC) enables international science and engineering discoveries through advances in computational science and high performance computing.

Continuing this legacy into the era of cyberinfrastructure, SDSC is a strategic resource to science, industry and academia, offering leadership in the areas of data management, grid computing, bioinformatics, geoinformatics, high-end computing as well as other science and engineering disciplines. The mission of SDSC is to extend the reach of scientific accomplishments by providing tools such as high-performance hardware technologies, integrative software technologies and deep inter-disciplinary expertise, to the community.

Saturday
FIRST Robotics Competition - teams from Mojave and Tehachapi
http://regional.sandiegorobotics.com/


The FIRST Robotics Competition is an exciting, multinational competition that teams professionals and young people together to solve an engineering design problem in an intense and competitive way. The competitions have all the action of a major sporting event, and the feel and attitude of a rock concert - complete with music and lighting effects… and it's FUN.

The FIRST Robotics Competition challenges teams of young people and their mentors to solve a common problem in a six-week timeframe using a standard "kit of parts" and a common set of rules. Teams build robots from the parts and enter them in a series of competitions designed by Dean Kamen, Dr. Woodie Flowers, and a committee of engineers and other professionals.

Leave San Diego by 3pm, return to Ridgecrest by 8pm.


March 19, 2007

We can

"We can do a lot of things if we think they are possible."

~ Larry Page, Google

on Men and Learning Lessons

The men in my life in the last couple of years have all taught me valuable lessons that I hope someday will help me to become a much better partner. Seems like post-divorce I had to learn all of these things all over again. As I look over the list, they include things that I always tell those around me, but for some reason didn't really apply to myself.

Paul: how to redefine myself as a single woman
Kevin: that it is ok to open myself up emotionally and take a risk, even if it hurts sometimes
Bill: that it is ok to let a gentleman treat me like a lady, and that it was not only ok, but should be expected
Murad: how to break through mental barriers and have fun
Ron: how to just be
Greg: how to let myself be more spontaneous
Joe: how to trust someone enough to try new things
my Dad: how to face adversity with grace and determination to make sure the right thing is done

March 18, 2007

Estimating the Airspeed Velocity of an Unladen Swallow

Hashing out the classic question with Strouhal numbers and simplified flight waveforms.
by Jonathan Corum

After spending some time last month trying to develop alternate graphic presentations for kinematic ratios in winged flight, I decided to try to answer one of the timeless questions of science: just what is the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow?

What do you mean, an African or European Swallow?

To begin with, I needed basic kinematic data on African and European swallow species.

South African Swallow (Hirundo spilodera)
European Swallow (Hirundo rustica)

Although 47 of the 74 worldwide swallow species are found in Africa,(1) only two species are named after the continent: the West African Swallow (Hirundo domicella) and the South African Swallow (Hirundo spilodera), also known as the South African Cave Swallow.

Since the range of the South African Swallow extends only as far north as Zaire,(2) I felt fairly confident that this was the non-migratory African species referred to in previous discussions of the comparative and cooperative weight-bearing capabilities of African and European swallows.(3)

Kinematic data for both African species was difficult to find, but the Barn or European Swallow (Hirundo rustica) has been studied intensively, and kinematic data for that species was readily available.



For the rest of the story, go to http://www.style.org/unladenswallow/

honestly and courageously

"People grow through experience if they meet life honestly and courageously. This is how character is built."

~ Eleanor Roosevelt"

100 (+) Things

Yeah, so between working on taxes and other junk, I managed to get sidetracked into my 100 Things page, which hasn't been updated in quite a while. It's now at 150+ things and I could keep going (and probably will). Check the time stamp at the top to see if it's changed since you were there last.

http://collegeteacher.org/blog/archive/100things.php

Peace Dudes

Random conversation du jour:

Matt: Mom, wasn't the 60s when the "peace dudes" were?
Mom: huh?
Matt: You know, the guys that said "We can just talk this out." (taking a meditation stance and a high pitched, feminine voice)
Mom: Yeah, there was a war then so a lot of people wanted peace.
Matt: So it was like "The presidents can just talk this out". (again, the stance and the voice)
Where in the heck do they come up with this stuff? The boy was channeling Zen! lol

here it comes

That overwhelmed,

too-much-to-do,
expecting-people-to-do-their-part,
frustrated-when-they-don't,
wondering-why-I-have-to-tell-everyone-everything-all-the-time,
retreating-into-my-cave-so-I-don't-get-mad,
resisting-the-urge-to-just-say-screw-it,
realization-that-I-have-to-do-it-anyhow,
so-it's-best-if-people-stay-out-of-my-way,
feeling again.

The future...

“The future does not belong to those who are content with today, apathetic toward common problems and their fellow man alike, timid and fearful in the face of bold projects and new ideas. Rather, it will belong to those who can blend passion, reason and courage in a personal commitment to the great enterprises and ideals of society.”

- Robert F. Kennedy

March 17, 2007

Happy St. Paddy's!

I hope you are having a great St. Paddy's Day today! It's been a good weekend here so far. Yesterday we cheered on the Inyokern Unicorn Girls Basketball Team in their first game. They didn't win, but they played hard and Emilee made three baskets, scoring half the points for the team! She also assisted in a couple of really good plays. Go Unicorns! Then we headed over to the skate park to watch Gavin do his thing on the skateboard. No idea how you can get airborne and catch your board in mid-flight, but he did it somehow. Very cool!

We went to a pancake breakfast at Inyokern School this morning and got to watch a movie of Emilee's trip to Camp Keep. Then we headed out to Red Rock Canyon to see what we could see. We drive past that many times a month and have been for years now, but never ventured in. The kids had me pull over on the side of the road and we piled out to start rock climbing. If you know Rachel the Rock Hound at all, you can imagine the great joy she had being surrounded by colorful rocks of all shapes and sizes! Matt the Mountain Goat was running up and down the hills and Expedition Leader Emilee discovered a cave that they all had to explore. We checked out the visitor's center and learned that the volcano rocks we have around the house are Basalt. Did you know that?

When we left there, we headed to Jawbone Canyon. Did you know there is a GREEN mountain way back there? Of course, we had to get out and check that out also. Rachel went nuts trying to find the PERFECT rock to bring home. How often do you get to find GREEN rocks? I found a small green one embedded with chunks of red rock. That looks pretty cool :) I took a bunch of pics, but they just don't do justice to the beauty there!

I know we live in the desert. And I know a lot of people think there is nothing to do or see here. But how wrong they are! Just drive a few minutes in any direction and there are wonders to behold right in our own backyard! Go out and enjoy :)


Inyokern Unicorns

Gavin Skates!

Top of the World - Red Rock Canyon

Green Rocks in Jawbone Canyon


March 16, 2007

Always smile

"Life is short. Break the rules. Forgive quickly. Kiss slowly. Love truly. Laugh uncontrollably. And never regret anything that made you smile."

~ On Amanda's IM mesage.

March 15, 2007

YOU KNOW YOU ARE IN RIDGECREST IN SUMMER WHEN...

-The birds have to use potholders to pull worms out of the ground.

-The trees are whistling for the dogs.

-The best parking place is determined by shade instead of distance.

-Hot water now comes out of both taps.

-You can make sun tea instantly.

-You learn that a seat belt buckle makes a pretty good branding iron!

-The temperature drops below 95 and you feel a little chilly.

-You discover that in July it only takes 2 fingers to steer your car.

-You discover that you can get sunburned through your car window.

-You actually burn your hand opening the car door.

-You break into a sweat the instant you step outside at 7:30 a.m.

-Your biggest bicycle wreck fear is, "What if I get knocked out and end up lying on the pavement and cook to death?"

-You realize that asphalt has a liquid state.

-The potatoes cook underground, so all you have to do is pull one out and add butter, salt and pepper.

-Farmers are feeding their chickens crushed ice to keep them from laying boiled eggs.

-The cows are giving evaporated milk.

-A full day of work is 4:00 Am till 9:00 Am

-The only fun thing to do is fry eggs on the sidewalk and dare your friends to eat them.

Ah, what a place to call home.

March 14, 2007

meh

The last few days have been very, very, VERY busy. Non-stop, multi-tasking busy. Busy in a way that has left me pretty wiped out. That's different from the type of busy where you are working on one project all day because it requires a higher level of organization to keep track of what you are doing on which activity especially when they all overlap in a variety of comunication spaces. It's the type of busy where you have to switch modes in a heartbeat from talking to student officers to having a heart-to-heart with a student who is having trouble to discussing robotic research with a University of California professor to participating in a campus forum about the state of and future of technology on campus to speaking with children about weekend plans to speaking with my dad about the house inspection to discussing educational theory with a parent who is threatening to pull his sons from my class if they don't maintain a "B" average to talking with a friend about how things are going to... you get the picture. And that was just in the last 24 hours.

It's hard to maintain a train of thought when being constantly interupted, but I don't want to be rude to people. I do want to be accessible. I actually like the people around me. There's just been a steady stream of little intrusions that make it very hard to get things done, in the door, via email, through IM, on the website. Individually, none of them are a big deal, but collectively, they really get in the way.

I'm trying to juggle many different balls at the moment, including a 3 day student field trip that will take us down as far as San Diego. It involves making contacts at two different universities, setting up housing, gas, and food accomodations, collecting a huge pile of paperwork, and confirming detail after detail after detail so that this can be an awesome experiencee for everyone involved. There's the unit plan that is due yesterday (literally), the VTEA activity and budget that is due on the 20th, and the two robotics classes that have to be submitted to the curriculum committee asap so they can be taught in the fall. Then there is finding time to gather tax deduction info for the accountant so hopefully I can recover some of the $14k I paid in federal taxes last year. Oh yeah, can't forget the conference presentation that I am supposed to be giving in about a week and a half and I can hardly remember what I am supposed to be talking about, much less preparing for.

I had hoped to take the last hour at work to finish up some details, but what do you do when a single mom of 6 comes in and says "You went to school with kids... how did you do it"? And then a student pops up on IM to talk about the upcoming trip? And another walks in the door to talk about his dad and then gives me a tip about how to get my Suburban brakes fixed for really cheap? My priority is, and always has been, one-on-one contact with my students. By the time that was all over, all I had time to do was log off, load up, and head out since I was already running later than I had wanted to get home, hoping to take a mental break for a few minutes before the kids went to bed so I could focus on some paperwork that I have to get submitted tomorrow after they were asleep.

As I drove up to the gate, I saw that no work had been done on hanging up chicken wire on the front fence, like I had hoped. I pulled up to the house to see the door to the trash shed wide open. Thankfully I was able to get it closed before the dogs pulled bags open all over the property. At the same time, I noticed that the one job I gave the kids to do after school, get all the recycling stuff in bags so we can take it in, hadn't been done. I could tell the goats hadn't been fed yet because they started yelling at me. I walked into the house to see everyone seated on the couch watching cartoons. As I glanced around, there was trash everywhere, the paper plates were pulled open and laying on the floor, and dirty dishes were stacked up in the sink. The floor was filthy because I haven't had time to vaccum or mop the floor in over 3 weeks, and I guess no one else had either. I guess they all had ice cream, as evidenced by the empty container in the sink and the dried up ice cream all over the counter. I picked up papers and trash, straightened up the sink, and took the paper plates out to the garage, where I noticed that the metal staples were dumped out all over the floor. I came inside, told them to turn off the TV and clean up their mess, and headed back outside so that I wouldn't give into the urge I had to just yell at everyone "I've been working hard all day... why haven't you?". On the way, I took the large wire cutters back out to the garage because for some reason they were sitting on the bench by the table. I spent 10 minutes picking up trash in the brush that had blown all over the place when we had a wind storm a few weeks ago, just to let off some steam before heading in. I told the kids that they were not allowed in the house until they got the cans, bottles, and glass sorted and bagged, and came back in to briefly close my eyes for 10 minutes while Jeopardy is on. And now I write. What do I need? This would be nice!

March 13, 2007

tightly wrapped

As I was driving to work this morning, I felt very tightly wrapped... emotionally more than anything. I had stopped at the school and filled out Matt's application for the after school program being run by the Boys and Girls Club and talked to the secretary about what a blessing this would be. After school child care has been the biggest challenge since we moved here and this would totally solve that issue. The kids would be able to get all of their homework done and they would be in an educational setting that would be fun for them. I don't know if they are accepted into the program yet. I should hear about that soon.

Another good thing on the horizon is the sale of the Porterville house. I love that house. It was the first house I ever bought and it was just a wonderful place to live. However, I can't afford to keep it anymore, so I put it on the market. Another blessing was that an offer was made on it pretty quickly by a very qualified and motivated buyer. So far things are moving right along. Their house inspector is coming tomorrow so I am holding my breath that nothing major will come up. If all goes well on that, then it's just a matter of waiting out the time until May 7th when escrow is expected to close. There is a chance that it will close sooner if the buyers get all their ducks in a row.

On the personal front, there are a few somewhat unexpected developments in the last few months that I am still sorting out how to deal with. Maintaining the status quo means a good thing stays in place and taking a risk could mean an even better thing... or it could mean losing where things are now. Working that one out in my mind for now.

I tend to downplay positive events until they actually happen, just in case they don't. I've had that experience enough times to know it's best, for me at least, to play it emotionally safe. When I bought the Porterville house, I didn't let myself get excited until I actually held the keys in my hands, because so many unforseen hurdles came up. It ain't over till it's over, and until then, I'll probably play it pretty close to the cuff.

March 12, 2007

reconnecting

I got a totally out of the blue IM on Yahoo when I logged in this morning:

HI, Not sure if you are the right Debby Kilborn or not. If you are, your maiden name is Eddinger, your grandmother was Grace Eddinger and you have an Uncle John who lives in TN. I am his daughter Lynda. We used to be in touch an eternity ago when you sent out newsletters on the Eddinger family. I have totally lost touch with all of my family and am looking to re establish some relationships. If this isn't you, sorry for the bother. Please check out my blog at http://lyndaandspike.blogspot.com/
Wow... Cousin Lynda! The last time I saw her was about 20 years ago at our grandmother's funeral. We got along really well and stayed in contact for a while, but then lost touch. Lives get busy and when you live on opposite sides of the country, that's what happens. Over the years I would search the internet to see if I could find where she was but didn't have much luck. I wasn't quite sure how her married name was spelled or if she was using her maiden name again. Turns out she's up in Alaska now and loving it. Escaped the corporate America rat race of the big city. We spent a couple of hours off and on chatting today and I'm really glad we reconnected!

March 11, 2007

boobs

How do I get into these conversations? We were all watching Apocolypse Now and the scene with the girls needing fuel came on. The guys were all like "wow, boobs!" to which I said:

"Boobs are overrated"

Without even skipping a beat, Billy responded

"You're only saying that because you HAVE them!"

bada-bing!

March 10, 2007

Say what?

"Perception of legitimacy is more important than legitimacy itself."

~Man of the Year

March 08, 2007

out of the office

On an impulse I decided to get out of the office and head over to the track. On the way over there I was intercepted by Joey, who decided to go walking with me. We did about 4 laps around the track and it felt great! I'm glad I went out :)

perspectives

Late yesterday afternoon I looked out the big picture glass window by my office, high above the Indian Wells Valley. As the sun cast a golden glow over the hills on the other side of the valley, the interplay of light and shadow caught my attention, and struck me as particularly beautiful at that moment. I glanced out over the valley, taking in the panorama of mountains surrounding this place I call home now, and wondered how anyone could come here and not see what I am seeing. I know that many people shrug off the desert as a barren, desolate place where nothing worthwhile can take root, but how wrong they are. I often wonder if it is worth my time and effort to try and get people to see my perspective on things, when I know that often times, perspective is a function of so many different things, including deep rooted personal thoughts, ideas, and issues. More often than not, I just share my perspective and then invite people to take it or leave it, with the understanding that their own outlook may be just as valid as my own. Perhaps that is a function of my own, personal chrono-synclastic infundibula.

March 06, 2007

Virtual Reality, Virtual Relationships

Interesting thing, these virtual relationships. By relationship, I am not just referring to romance, although that can certainly be included. I've "met" lots of people online, in a variety of interfaces, from instant message, to myspace, to the metaverse of Second Life. Some are professional, some personal, some just passing by. I consider myself pretty tech saavy and I feel like I have a pretty good handle on how to "read" personality into the written word. It seems all to easy to let a relationship drop out of sight, much easier than in real life, because all you have to do is block a screen name, go invisible, or simply ignore messages. They don't walk into my office, into my house, into my life, do they? They are only as real as the words on the screen... but really, they are people on the other end of a connection somewhere. How is this different than a telephone call? From a written letter sent by post? (Do people do that anymore?). I've read many stories about how online connections have turned into real life friendships and romances, and I've had that experience myself, meeting some good friends that have become a part of life at the college. What ingredients need to be in the mix for a virtual connection to manifest itself in the physical world? Still thinking on that one...

March 05, 2007

well shoot

I really didn't want anyone to do anything today. I tend to downplay my birthday big time, for a bunch of reasons. I love to do stuff for other people on their birthdays because it's fun to make them feel special, but I feel very uncomfortable when the spotlight is turned my way. So I didn't say much leading up today. Darn them for figuring out stuff anyhow! My day started at work with lots of birthday hugs and a song. Before I even came to work I had several MySpace comments and email cards. Those continued to come in throughout the day. There was a facebook comment from a friend in TN. Kym sent me a text message. Then I got here to see a Happy Birthday banner across my office door and a couple of cards posted on the board. Josh and Michelle were sitting there waiting for me. Jackie came in later and brought me a beautiful vase of flowers. Robert called and sang to me because he wasn't going to be on campus today... and then he showed up about an hour later with a wonderful flower arrangement and a really nice card. A couple of folks have dropped in with birthday wishes. Tonight someone in SL is making big plans for a special event. He's been leading up to it for days now! I don't know if he knows it's my birthday, but I sort of suspect he does. It all makes me smile and feel good, but I'd still rather have the spotlight pointed elsewhere!

update 5pm: Around 12:45 Dan not so slyly asked me to come look at some new computers, and with his "cat ate the canary" grin, I pretty much knew something was up. I'm not as dumb as they think I am! I told him we didn't have any new computers, but he said they were the media arts ones and wouldn't take no for an answer. He led me back through the tech area and into room 722, where much to my surprise (ok, so I had an idea SOMETHING was up!), there were a bunch of people, balloons, cake, sandwiches, and soda! Silly people. I think Michelle was the instigator :) I had to blow out candles and everything. They all signed a card for me and Dominick even went down the hill to bring up a special birthday treat... Ben & Jerry's Fossil Fuel ice cream! Since I didn't have a freezer, we had to eat it all. I told them that I don't share my B&J with just any ol' normal people... but since none of them were normal, they could have at it :) They made me wear a princess crown (which I wore to my class btw), we took some pics, and a good time was had by all. What a bunch of goobers... but they are MY goobers :)

March 03, 2007

again

I like this. A lot. I like how it feels. I also don't like it. A lot. Too many roadblocks. Sigh.

March 02, 2007

they miss me

Over the last few days I've gotten several communications from my Pepperdine peeps because I'm supposed to be down at CUE presenting today. They saw my name on the program and wanted to hook up. Then this afternoon, Paul called and wondered if everything was ok. Said that he was there with Pam and Cheryl, and they all wondered where I was. I told him why I decided to stay home this time and he promised to call me from the OMET gathering tonight and pass the phone around. God, I miss those guys :)

March 01, 2007

metaverse

n. These are environments where humans interact (as avatars) with each other (socially and economically) and with software agents in a cyber space, that uses the metaphor of the real world, but without its physical limitations.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Metaverse
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Second_life