Inner Dialogue

In the last few weeks, I've come into association with two or three people that have really made me think on a whole spectrum of topics. Some are new friends. Others I have known for a while. Amazing people. I have respect for their intelligence, their curiosity, their quick wit, their integrity, and their passion. I've had to dig deep. I've had to think hard. I've had to really stay on my game. They are such unique individuals, all completely different, all requiring a different set of communication strategies when engaging in dialogue. It's exhausting and envigorating at the same time, pushing me to consider ideas that are new and ideas that stretch the boundaries of what I already know. I like that. The volumn of my blog entries lately reflect what has been going on in my mind. I have so much to learn from them. I wonder if they will learn anything from me?

Posted by Debby at 08:39 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) :: Edit :: Back to Top

DK: You said that science is a "dialogue" I believe. That's the first time I've heard it referred to as that. Can you explain that a little more?

SK: the process of scientific discovery happens roughly like this. someone has an idea. they test it out and find out something interesting. they write down their thoughts and compress the data into a readable form. these ideas are sent to a publisher in the form of a paper. this paper is not published at this time. the paper is then sent to several other scientists with similar expertise. these scientists read the paper and make comments about whether they think the data is valid and whether they agree with the conclusions drawn from the data. these comments are returned to the author of the paper for review and rebuttal. this cycle continues until everyone is satified that the paper has good technical merit and strong conclusions based on the data presented.

this of course is an idealization of the process, but it isn't too far from what really happens. what we refer to as science is actually the result of this dialogue that occurs. what most people think of as science is the collection of conclusions drawn from the available data, but the conclusions are always up for reinterpretation when new data or new theories arise. it is not a static discipline at all.

Posted by Debby at 05:12 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) :: Edit :: Back to Top

I have an Eastern King bed, because unlike the CA king, it is wider than longer. I picked wider because I wanted a bed that could fit all my kids. It's funny that when they were little they did all fit, all five of them. Darned things keep growing though. I tease them about when I wake up with someone's head in my back or a foot in my stomach, but I really do love it. The bed is a place of great comfort for all of us. It might just be the down comforter, blankets and pillows, but I think it's probably much more than that. I love the mornings when they all come in (just the 3 little ones now) and we snuggle under the blankets. Giggles and tickles or just quiet and cozy ... it's all good. When they aren't feeling well, or when they can't sleep, my bed is still the place they want to be. Heck, it's the place *I* want to be! I think those people push their kids out into their own rooms in the name of independence or whatever are missing out on something wonderful.

Posted by Debby at 10:56 AM | Permalink | Comments (0) :: Edit :: Back to Top

I've always felt like I had a very broad based education, and in many ways I did. One area that I am definitely lacking is in the math and science area. I took one math class my freshman year at Cal Poly. Then I took a zoology class at College of the Sequoias. I didn't like the math (at the time) but I really liked the science. I'm finding myself increasingly surrounded by people who are immersed in math and science and I feel the need to learn more, just to be conversational in the subjects if nothing else. Besides, I'm interested. Maybe I'll take a class next semester.

Posted by Debby at 07:08 AM | Permalink | Comments (0) :: Edit :: Back to Top

This is what I saw on my way home tonight. I love the moon in the blue desert sky.

Posted by Debby at 08:34 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) :: Edit :: Back to Top

Posted by Debby at 10:58 AM | Permalink | Comments (0) :: Edit :: Back to Top

This simple test asked me to pick one of four pictures that I prefered. I went for this one. Here is what it said about me:

OK. How about if you chose circles? The personality experts say that it tends to be good team players who go for this one. They demonstrate these characteristics :

* Sensitive
* Reflective
* Team player
* Loyal

If you ask them to make a decision, they will consider closely what effect this will have on other people in the group. They have no set plans, rather they prefer to "go with the flow," relying on their sharp instincts and intuition as situations present themselves to them.

Because they are considerate of others, they tend to avoid conflict and prefer to talk to people on a one-to-one basis. Sometimes circles can put themselves down. They tend to act as stabilisers in a team rather than as leaders.

Posted by Debby at 06:44 AM | Permalink | Comments (0) :: Edit :: Back to Top

Ever feel like your life is a movie that you are watching from the outside looking in? It's like watching the reel roll up on the big screen while I sit in the front row all amazed and wonder what's in the next scene. I gave up guessing because the director's cut is always so much more interesting than anything I could have come up with. ACTION!!

Posted by Debby at 12:28 AM | Permalink | Comments (0) :: Edit :: Back to Top

Steve said:

"People are complicated--life is complicated--it's better that way."

Posted by Debby at 08:30 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) :: Edit :: Back to Top

Tonight I took the kids to the spring band concert at the college. It was amazing, as always. I think it's really awesome that my kids can come to where I work and know so many people there... staff and students. I think they feel just as much at home there as they do here. When they are at the college, I know there are many, many big brothers and sisters watching out for them and I can see what a good influence it is on their lives. At the age of 7, Matt is already talking about when (not if) he goes to college. Emilee and Rachel get to see smart girls in action. They are surrounded by some great role models of people of all ages engaged in the pursuit of learning. To them, college is a place to have fun, to have friends, to see theater, improv, and musical talent, and to learn new things. That's a good thing! :)

Posted by Debby at 11:34 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) :: Edit :: Back to Top

Dear Family,

So far, so good. I haven't gotten ASMODED (that's when the RDC kicks you out of the division for being stupid). RDC stands for Recruit Division Commander (drill sergant). Any way, the first night was probably the worst. I couldn't pee in the stupid cup for my drug test. I didn't have to go!!! What ended up happening was the person in charge took me into his office bathroom and starting giving me tips on how to force my pee out.

O yea. Before that happened, they made me march around in front of about 160 guys, who were all waiting for me to pee so that the process could continue.

Anyway, the first couple of days are called P-days (Processing Days). Each day is probably 18 hours long, and if you fall asleep you get a RDC in your face yelling at you to get some military bearing. The very first night in our barracks our RDCs found the stupid guy that didn't want to listen to instructions... Dibello... he was the first person to be made an example of.

After the first couple of P-days, a bald head, a really painful shot in the butt, and a dentist telling me that my wisdom teeth could stay, we finally left our temporary house for our new - Ship 14, the USS Arizona. Don't start imagining an actual ship. We call the buildings ships. The two mile march from Pearl Harbor (our processing ship) to Ship 14 was kinda wierd. Not only did I have an 80 pound sea bag on my back, but I was marching in a snow storm... yeah... snow. I was wearing a scarf, a benie, gloves, jacket, rain coat, boots, and sweat pants. The guy next to me was walking with his tongue out, and my tongue was safely inside my mouth, covered with a giant scarf that came up to my pupils. I thought that this guy was crazy. Here he was trying to catch the snow with his face and the only thing that I was trying to do was keep as much of it out as I could.

Well I'm going to go. It's holiday routine. We get about 5 hours to do whatever we want... yeah whatever we want. lol. We have another inspection tomorrow. I passed my first one already. Did I say that I was the division yeoman? Yeah, I'm like in charge of 6 other guys.

Yeoman
|
_____________________________________________________________________________
| | | | | |
dental medical EPO Education Starboard Port Shipstaff
yeoman yeoman officer watch watch watch

It's a pretty sweet gig. The only problem is that if anyone messes up its my fault. I know when everythings happening too. Battle stations (the final test) is a month away.

Ok, got to go iron (I hate ironing). You can write me at

SR Kilburn, Andrew W.
Ship 14 DIV 186
Recruit Training Command
3410 Sailor Drive
Great Lakes, IL 60088

Talk to you guys later,

Andy

P.S. cool thing about being yeoman, I never have to pull watch. How is grandpa doing?

dated: 4/22/07

Posted by Debby at 11:19 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) :: Edit :: Back to Top

A new guy showed up in Robo class Tuesday night. I like that my students are bringing in their friends and other interested parties to our class. It means that they think our group is a good place to share with others. It also gives us an opportunity to broaden our reach. I think often of my role as facilitator of this diverse and dynamic group of people. It's a subtle dance of personalities, unique quirks, interests and relationships. I take very seriously my role in all of this... just enough to help oil the wheels but not enough to impede progress. Sometimes it's like a juggling act, trying to balance all of their needs and interests, matching people to people, connecting ideas to the real world. Making connections... that's what I do best.

Posted by Debby at 12:25 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) :: Edit :: Back to Top

This morning I made the decision to take a cat to the animal shelter. It wasn't easy because I don't like to give up on animals. This little one showed up under my garage a few weeks ago. Poor thing was skinny and hungry. It was timid and not very socialble. I kept it in my bathroom, where it just made a mess of things. It did start to put on weight though, and every time I went in, I'd spend some time talking to it calmly, petting it when it let me, trying to gain its trust by being as non-threatening as possible. It finally started purring when petted, although it still did not like to be picked up. However, its presence here was very disruptive. I had to keep the bathroom door closed, which locked in my other cat. The room was a constant mess that I just didn't have time to clean up every day. My hope is that it will get adopted out at the shelter to someone who has more time than I do.

This morning, before I left, I talked to Dan about some of the students in his class. We talked about people who didn't know how to be self-motivated, who didn't seem to have the ability to look around, see what needed to be done, and do it. They seem to want you to tell them everything that needs to be done without taking the responsibility to figure it out themselves. That's one of my personal pet peeves. I'll go to the ends of the earth to help for those who are sincerely trying to help themselves, but those who expect you to spoon-feed it to them bother me. What can you do to help people become more self-motivated, we wondered? Take baby steps and then wean them off the support?

As often happens, especially recently, two apparently unrelated events come together to form an insight. Today I felt like I tossed aside that cat simply because I didn't have the time and energy to invest into it. I did rescue it to a point, but when it became obvious that the investment of time was more than I had available, I turned it in with the hopes that someone else would pick up the problem and help out the animal. I was able to draw a boundary on my time and resources. Is it the same with people? How do you know when to invest the time, and for how long, and how do you know when it's time to pull out even if you see some small signs of progress. Are there students that just take up too many resources? And what to do if I do decide it's time to pull back? Who do I hand them off to so that I can at least hope they will be taken care of?

Posted by Debby at 11:56 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) :: Edit :: Back to Top

Can men and women just be friends? Or is there always some unspoken expectation of something more? It seems like some of the best friendships I have had with men are those where any expectation of romantic involvement was removed. It is then when all the pretenses that go along with the mating game are dropped and you can have open and honest conversations about very interesting topics, including a good look at how men and women relate to each other. Some of my best insights over the years came from talking to men in this capacity. You can have fun, you can be flirtatious, you can enjoy the sexual tension, and you can push the boundaries of your world view into places you never considered before. I like getting the perspective from someone on the other side of the fence because it helps me know myself much better. Sadly, not everyone has evolved to the point where they understand this is a possibility, and they miss out on what can be a very enriching experience.

Posted by Debby at 11:16 AM | Permalink | Comments (1) :: Edit :: Back to Top

I was talking with someone last night about a mutual friend and found out something I did not really expect, so I managed to quite nicely insert my foot into my mouth and say something dumb. Not sure why it flustered me a little. Those darned human moments drive me nuts at times!

Posted by Debby at 06:28 AM | Permalink | Comments (1) :: Edit :: Back to Top

I hadn't really thought about it much, but I told someone last night that every once in a while I do these snapshots as a way to ground myself in the moment... no worries about the past or concerns about the future. Sometimes those things can become oppressively overwhelming and it is good to remind myself that there is much to be thankful about in the here and now.

Posted by Debby at 12:37 PM | Permalink | Comments (1) :: Edit :: Back to Top

I'm sitting outside at the table, in one of the black, cast-iron chairs that rocks with a slightly springy movement. The rosy glow of the sunset is fading into the blues and greys of early evening over the Sierras to the west. To the east, the sky is colored in bands of pink, purple, blue, topped with a few cottonball clouds on the horizon. I can feel the breeze whispering through my hair, softly caressing my skin, a nice contrast to the the roaring winds of the last few nights. It is slightly chilly, not in a bad way, but in a brisk way that makes you feel glad to be alive. I can hear what sounds like a owl calling out in the distance, a song bird's fluttering whistle, and the neighbor's dogs barking at some real or imagined invader. A jet just took off from the base and although I can't see it, I can hear it rise high above the skyline, for destinations unknown. In front of me are parked the cars, the dusty blue Suburban and the silver Honda. In the pen across the way, the bucks are pushing against each other in a mock show of force, the gold male vs the dark brown one. I can hear the kids playing, working on a digging project (to where I have no idea). The tall trees bend ever so slightly, a graceful dance of dark green leaves and branches that contrast with the subdued hues of the surrounding property. The old chocolate labrador struggles to rise to her feet, aching from years of boisterous activity finally catching up with her in her old age. She is looking for something to chew on, a stick perhaps. Some days I think she is part termite. A small insect fluttered by, pausing by the glow of my monitor for a moment before carrying on with its business. As the sky shifts to lovely shades of navy blue, so deep and saturated that I wish I could capture the color, I feel like I could sit out here forever.

This is a place of extreme contrasts. This has been a day of extreme contrasts. Where I am now is where I need to be to recharge, regroup and get centered back on what is important. Whoosh.

Posted by Debby at 07:33 PM | Permalink | Comments (1) :: Edit :: Back to Top

I was talking with a colleague in my office this morning about the current state of affairs here and about how it is possible for an email to come across as frantic and screaming. Then it dawned on us... I had been sent a HOWLER! LOL. Didja even think those were real? Let me assure you, they are!

Nothing a well loaded water pistol can't take care of :)

Posted by Debby at 01:09 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) :: Edit :: Back to Top

You can question how I do things.
You can question why I do things.
But don't question
My motives or
My integrity.
Just don't.

Posted by Debby at 08:58 AM | Permalink | Comments (1) :: Edit :: Back to Top

Driving into work this morning, I spent most of the 25 minutes thinking about what I wrote earlier today. It dawned on me that the major issue at the moment is slack. Not slacking off, but lack of slack time to process deep thoughts and gel them into ideas I can articulate.

And then, when I got here, a message came across my plate that was like a splash of cool water on the firestorm, another subtle arrow under the armor, that told me I am not in it alone. Words can't even express the depth of my feelings for those people in my life that let me know, in so many different ways, that they are there to support me, that they understand what it is I am trying to do. They see me for who I really am and still like me despite my faults. Once again, I am reminded of just how blessed I really am.

Posted by Debby at 11:13 AM | Permalink | Comments (1) :: Edit :: Back to Top

I respond very well to honest, articulate, and intelligent individuals.
I don't respond well to people who micro-manage, intimidate, and don't slow down enough to listen.

I respond well to leadership styles that facilitate, encourage, and trust.
I don't respond well to leadership styles that are top-down, belittling, and condescending.

I respond well to the rational.
I don't respond well to the irrational.

My present challenge is how to work with someone who has a style that plays to all of the things I don't work well with because everything that is coming from this person engages my fight or flight response. I am sincerely trying to look at my own words and actions and be tempered in my responses, but I am finding that even that is having no effect. A single message the other day resulted in a firestorm of frantic responses, over 10 of them, from this person. My instinct is to just withdraw into my bunker and let the bullets fly overhead because I have a real sense, based on experience, that it doesn't matter what I say anyhow, this person has their own agenda. I'm not sure if that will work, but tossing back my own rounds won't solve anything either. What they don't seem to realize is that the mental dissonance they are causing is defeating the exact goal they are trying to accomplish. What to do?

Posted by Debby at 08:35 AM | Permalink | Comments (0) :: Edit :: Back to Top

You know, I really don't like cactus. All pokey and thorny and dull greenish grey in color. I had plans to yank out a small cactus when I do the landscaping project out front but I might have to reconsider. Rachel came running in this morning telling me that I had to come see... so I did. Wow, what a treat!

Had I pulled it out, I would have missed the beautiful flower that bloomed today. I think, perhaps, that sometimes it's like that with people also. They seem all thorny and not very approachable, but given the right climate, they can open up and blossom. There is a season for all things if one is but patient enough to wait for the right time.

Posted by Debby at 02:08 AM | Permalink | Comments (0) :: Edit :: Back to Top

Posted by Debby at 07:23 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) :: Edit :: Back to Top

Every warrior has a weak spot, a place where the arrows can get in under the armor. Mine happens to be when someone responds to something I said in a way that I know they truly understand what I mean, especially when combine with a tender show of support. I had the opportunity to explain "why" to someone last night... and the nuances in his response struck a soft spot for some reason, bringing silent tears to my eyes for a moment. I think it is all those years I went without that deepest of needs being met that causes me to crumble at the slightest sign that someone might actually care. Sigh.

Posted by Debby at 11:48 AM | Permalink | Comments (0) :: Edit :: Back to Top

What do you say to someone who has just lost her 18 year old little brother and is facing the hardest thing she has ever had to deal with in her young life? One Friday they are hanging out together and the next she is at his funeral. I wanted to say something, but what I really wanted to do was just hug her. She's too far away for that, so this is what I managed to say.

Just close your eyes and focus on the good things. Let your mind take you to where he is and know that it is a good place. Breathe deeply and give yourself permission to feel whatever it is that you are feeling. Know that you can lean on the strength of others, even if they are not there with you, because you are surrounded by the love of many. You have great strength, my dear, and you will get through the hardest thing imaginable having learned lessons that will make your life, and the lives of those you touch, better for the experience.

Posted by Debby at 07:22 AM | Permalink | Comments (0) :: Edit :: Back to Top

Seems like in the last 24 hours, I've had to deal with many people close to me who are in crisis mode, for a variety of reasons. I don't know why it affects me so when those I care about are hurting, but I just want to reach out and hug them. I was able to do that today for some, but others are too far away, so words had to suffice. Maybe there is something in the air that is causing the problems because it seems like many are affected. I wish I knew how to make things better for them. All I can do is listen, let them know I love them, and try to offer some perspective. Sometimes that just doesn't feel like enough.

Posted by Debby at 06:40 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) :: Edit :: Back to Top

I always enjoy coversation (via whatever medium) that causes me to think about things in a different way or that draws out deeper insights on topics I've already thought through. I told a friend recently that the person that wins my heart has to be someone who can inspire me, who can make me take time to play, and who isn't afraid to take me by the hand and pull me out of the chaos of my life for a time to sit quietly, intimately, under the stars of a brilliant desert night. He thought that was a facinating self-awareness observation. Then, last night, an event happened in the world of some people I care about that caused me to send them the following quote:

"Adversity is like a strong wind. I don't mean just that it holds us back from places we might otherwise go. It also tears away from us all but the things that cannot be torn, so that afterward we see ourselves as we really are, and not merely as we might like to be." ~ Memoirs of a Geisha

Many people, when faced with major life changing experiences, choose to look at others and place the blame. Divorce is a great example. It's always easier for it to be the other person's fault. For me, my reflections turned inward. I didn't blame him for the problems that led to our downfall. I just finally accepted him for who he was and knew that for me, that was not something I could live with anymore. It became a chance to look at who I was and at who I wanted to be. It became a clarifying experience where I began to define what mattered the most in terms of a relationship. I've spent the last several years thinking very deeply about my life, letting the winds of adversity blow away the insignificant and the superficial, leaving only the core values that I hold dear. As difficult as that was, it has been a good thing, and in the long run, I have been a happier person because of it.

Posted by Debby at 07:41 AM | Permalink | Comments (0) :: Edit :: Back to Top

If you don't like something change it; if you can't change it, change the way you think about it.

~ Mary Engelbreit

Posted by Debby at 09:40 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) :: Edit :: Back to Top

Just got a call from Joe at school wondering if someone was supposed to be in my office, because someone was (it's a legit thing). Got several IMs throughout the day and a myspace message or two wondering how I was doing. It's not often I spend an entire day in bed, but today was one such day. Nice to know there are people who care enough to check up on me :)

Posted by Debby at 07:52 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) :: Edit :: Back to Top

"Contentment is the only real wealth."

~Alfred Nobel

Posted by Debby at 07:21 AM | Permalink | Comments (0) :: Edit :: Back to Top

I almost cancelled Robo I tonight. You know I am feeling really crappy if I consider cancelling THAT class. However, I decided to come because there are only a few weeks left and we are launching a new project, the Golf Ball Box. Knowing that I would not be able to stand for long, I gave Alex a call and asked him if he would be able to teach the class how to use the NXT interface. He didn't even hesitate when he said "Yes".

It was such a good feeling to realize that perhaps I am succeeding as a teacher when I have students that are competent enough and confident enough to stand in my place when needed. Perhaps the greatest role of a teacher should be to make themselves unnecessary over time... to equip their students with the skills and abilities to become self-motivated, self-directed learners. I think that is a concept that may threaten many teachers. "What? Make myself obsolete? Then what would my role be?" How about facilitator? Mentor? Co-learner?

I remember once before, many years ago, when my high school junior level English teacher had to leave because of an emergency. She handed me the book and asked me if I would teach the rest of the class. It was my first experience in front of a classroom of my peers, and I did it. At every opportunity I give my students the same chance, not because I am a slacker that wants others to do my job for me, but because I know that by teaching something, the student is "functioning at his highest relationship to the content". Facilitate. Mentor. Learn alongside them. Yes. It is then that I am fulfilling my calling and my responsibility to my students in the best way possible.

Posted by Debby at 09:15 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) :: Edit :: Back to Top

Posted by Debby at 02:24 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) :: Edit :: Back to Top

So I went to Albertsons this morning after dropping off kids... got 4 gallons of gatorade, 2 cubes of coke, 1 of orange soda, 6 cans of chicken soup, and 2 big bags of popsicles...

The cashier asked me "feeling a little under the weather?"

I wonder what the tip off was ;)

Posted by Debby at 09:47 AM | Permalink | Comments (0) :: Edit :: Back to Top

I just woke up, all achy and not feeling well. Jessie wanted to go out, so I opened up the front door and looked into a window into the universe. The stars were so brilliant that it looked like I could stand on the steps and pull them closer. It was like looking through the wardrobe door into another world. Amazing.

Posted by Debby at 12:51 AM | Permalink | Comments (0) :: Edit :: Back to Top

Everytime I walk by our Learning Assistance Center (LAC), it warms my heart to see students helping students. Some are on the computers, others at the tables. Here are the students that choose to learn. Here are the ones who endeavor to teach. All are engaged in the pursuit of knowledge. At every opportunity, I try to give my students the opportunity to teach, because it is then that they truly learn something deeply. Years ago, I came across a post on a listserv that said:

"If you want to function at the highest effectiveness as a teacher, then it is not enough to teach a subject to a student. Your goal must always be to teach the learner to be a teacher. Then the student is functioning at his highest relationship to the content, and to himself."

Posted by Debby at 03:07 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) :: Edit :: Back to Top

Well, I don't want to grow up either, but sometimes you must live in an adult world. In my perfect world, mornings wouldn't start until noon and I'd be able to fly on happy thoughts also. As it is, I try to keep in touch with my inner child (some days it works better than others). It comes out best when I am in the midst of my minons... or when I close my eyes, stretch out my arms, and feel the sand between my toes as I listen to the crashing waves make their music on a moonlit beach.

A friend of mine runs a company called FableVision. His twin brother created a story called "He Was Me". You can view it at http://www.fablevision.com/hewasme/ . The first time I saw it, tears welled up (the older I get, the sappier I become, I am finding). I think it is because He Was Me. The times I get most frustrated are the times when the chasm between what I want to do and what I have to do is the greatest. That's when it is time to pull back a little and look deeply at what is important.

As for Tink... the girl needs to get real. She has a good heart, and you can't blame her for falling for Pete. Who can resist boyish good looks and a guy who knows how swing from vines and wield a sword? Certainly not me. But I've learned that it's not fair to try and change someone into something you want them to be, just because you want them to be it. You accept someone for who they are and then decide if that's something you can live with. The boy had his mind set on someone else and Tink needed to back off. Seriously!

Personally, I like Jimeny Crickey. He was a good mentor that advised that wooden boy to stay true to himself, to follow his heart, and to believe in himself. If you do that, you very often end up doing the right thing. If it doesn't work out, at least you can look yourself in the mirror and know your motivations were pure (without jabbing your nose against the wall).

Posted by Debby at 11:47 AM | Permalink | Comments (1) :: Edit :: Back to Top

from: http://www.theatlantic.com/doc/200705/word-fugitives

Also sought in December was a word for essential technological skills or knowledge destined to become obsolete. Merlin Camozzi, of Los Angeles, wrote in to question the very premise. “Those of us who grew up with technology,” he wrote, “know that all well-designed user interfaces share certain basic attributes that transcend specific manufacturers or technologies. We can pick up a new PDA, DVD player, or digital camera and figure out almost immediately how to do what we want to do. I call this ability techknow.” Merlin, FYI: You’re one of about two readers who took this point of view, as against uncounted numbers who could relate.

Jonathan Barnard, of Asheville, N.C., shared both a word and some advice: “To avoid having to learn gizmomentary knowledge, just play dumb. Rely on family members and officemates. Find the ones with overbearing senses of technological mastery and flatter them.” Greg Davies, of Sydney, Australia, wrote, “I suggest obsolessons. I suspect this is a concept that has broader application than just outmoded electronics. In my case, this word would also encapsulate 90 percent of my formal schooling, the things I had to learn in my first two careers, and much of what I learned from previous relationships.”

Neandertechnology (Joe Ferraro, of Audubon, Pa.) and dinolore (John A. Anderson, of Fort Wayne, Ind.) are delightful coinages that, unfortunately, miss the mark, because the word requested is for skills that have yet to go extinct. Some readers played around with expire and expertise, to get the likes of expiretise, expiration data (John S. Stevens, of Chicago), and soon-to-be- ex-pertise (Steve Harrell, of Seattle). Others tinkered with good old-fashioned know-how, coining no-how, knew-how (both from Robert Frenkel, of Sydney, Australia), and nano-how (Ben O’Donnell, of Avon, Conn.). Snehlata Champakalakshmi, of New York City, wasn’t the only reader to suggest the apt now-how, but she was the first—so Champakalakshmi takes top honors.

Posted by Debby at 11:33 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) :: Edit :: Back to Top

"I'm going to step off the plane of existance and be at a right angle to reality for a while."

~Eric's away message tonight

Posted by Debby at 09:41 PM | Permalink | Comments (1) :: Edit :: Back to Top

I don't especially enjoy driving in the rain, but I do especially love being out in wide open spaces covered with clouds, seeing all the shades of color and shadow interplay with each other. I love the fresh smell of rain and the sound of rain dancing on the windows. It's a constantly changing landscape as the miles pass by, and it makes me aware of just what a small part of the universe I truely am. Quite a humbling experience. I'm sure my kids think I am nuts as I point out the sunset thinly veiled behind a layer of clouds or the mountain highlighted by a beam of sunshine breaking through a hole in the cover. I want them to be aware of the beauty of the world we live in, and hopefully, they will grow to appreciate it and be in awe of it someday as I am.

Posted by Debby at 08:22 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) :: Edit :: Back to Top

One of my ROFL moments last night was when Billy said I'd make a great drill sargeant and Gavin (I think) said something like, "yeah, she'd yell at us and then tell us to think about it and write about what we learned!"

Hehehehe... yeah, I guess I do that sort of stuff, eh?

Posted by Debby at 03:44 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) :: Edit :: Back to Top

Have you ever laughed so hard you had tears in your eyes? that your side hurt? that you SNORTED! That was dinner last night at the pizza place after our KRV activity. I don't think it would be prudent to share all the details, but it reminded me, once again, why I love these guys so much. They make me SMILE!

Posted by Debby at 06:54 AM | Permalink | Comments (0) :: Edit :: Back to Top

After watching the video called "Did You Know" at the advisory board meeting today, I came up with a brilliant new degree program.

A.S. Psychic Technology: Training students to solve problems we don't even know exist yet!

Posted by Debby at 12:58 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) :: Edit :: Back to Top

I had someone tell me the other night that he didn't think he could keep up with me. Hmmm. Again, keeping up with me is not the issue. I'm looking for someone to give me a good reason to slow down. A quiet night under the stars on the porch swing or on the couch watching a good movie sounds like heaven. Believe me, I'll know when to slam on the brakes!

Posted by Debby at 12:55 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) :: Edit :: Back to Top

Yesterday, one of our guys went MIA. Didn't see him on campus, didn't get any instant messages, didn't get any emails. That was very unusual because normally I hear from him in a variety of ways throughout the day and if he's going somewhere he usually says something. He didn't show up to the robo class that evening so I started to get worried, especially after a couple of the guys said he wasn't in math class earlier in the day. I don't like to be intrusive, but on the way home I called and asked Joe to stop by his house to check. The roommate didn't seem to know much either, thinking that he was up at the college with us, and mentioning that he had gone to a doctor's appointment earlier in the day. Joe drove around town to the dr offices and didn't see the truck. At this point it was 11:30pm and there wasn't too much we could do. I was just hoping he would show up at the college since he didn't have a cell phone we could call. Today by lunch time, still nothing, so Joe and I decided that he would swing by the house again after his class and I would start calling around. As I was going to check on my mail a little later, here came Dom walking toward the library. What a relief!! I told him we were worried and he shared a little with me about what was up.

When I was talking with some of the guys about where Dom could be, we all agreed that it was like a part of our family was missing. I can't even imagine what we would do if he wasn't around and I am so glad that he is!!

Posted by Debby at 05:58 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) :: Edit :: Back to Top

Last night we had a great robotics session. No, we didn't build anything. No, nothing blew up (although there was some fire involved). All we did was sit and talk for about half the class. And it was amazing.

One thing that I notice is that these guys get so caught up in the hands-on part that they forget to take the time to reflect and think. The planning journals each time helped out, but I wanted something that looked at the big picture of what happened with the project. The alumni, helpers, and myself had noticed a decided lack of communication between teams in each group and we wanted to see if they would be able to identify that as a key issue when given the chance to talk it out a little.

I sent each team into a different room with the charge to discuss what went well, what did not go well, and what they would do if they were given one more day to work on the project. They were specificially told that this was NOT a gripe session, a blame session, or a time to pull people apart. This was to stay constructive and thoughful. I asked Eric to stay in one room and Chuck to go with the other group to help moderate. I wandered between the rooms, listening and guiding their thoughts to areas they hadn't really considered before.

After about 20 minutes or so, we came back together and both teams wrote their notes up on the board. We watched a 2 minute video montage [.wmv] of the event that Michelle put together. I asked each team to send up a spokesperson to talk and we started to discuss each task - rocks, bridge, log, rescue - in turn. They were still mostly looking at technical issues ... this thing didn't work, or that thing did something really cool. Then, Chris J. got an "ah ha" moment and said "We we missing overall team integration". Shazam! Someone else tossed out the word "synergy" and we talked about how that (or lack thereof) played into the final results when they ran their project. What followed was a very dynamic discussion with many people getting a chance to voice their thoughts. Linda brought up that more time should have been spent on software development (programming) because that was left to the end. Even if the bridge robot wasn't finished, a prototype could have been made for practice purposes. Someone else brought up that although the team had good programmers and good builders, what didn't happen was a good allocation of human resources. The team initially self-selected who was going to be on which task, but didn't think to shuffle the mix once the strengths of different team members were identified. A bit of self-imposed competition, even between the groups on a team, resulted in not taking advantage of the best assets available all the way around, impacting the success of the final team project.

A few started to take personal offense at some of the comments, and I made a point of bringing it back to the understanding that we are all working together here and part of being a team member is being willing to ask for help... and being willing to accept it when offered. Everyone had been so focused on their small part of the puzzle that they didn't open up enough to fully integrate with their teammates. After a while, I asked the alumni and helpers to share their observations.

Chuck: Team integration. He brought up the Nasa probe that crashed because the different groups on the team were using different measurements (metric vs American). Lack of communication about simple things can bring down a project.

Eric: When you break a problem into smaller parts you have to make sure that all the groups are working with the same standards. Agree upon the measurements, the interface, and anything else that is vital to the integration of the parts back into the whole.

Joe: Remember, you aren't being graded on whether you complete the task and the other group doesn't. The bridge group on Team A should talk to the bridge group on Team B, etc.

Alex: Too much focus on striving to succeed and not enough on the fear of failure led people to not test enough, not work together enough.

Posted by Debby at 01:00 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) :: Edit :: Back to Top

Music very often mirrors my mood. Sunday evening, as I was working here at the college, I had light classical streaming through iTunes. That's my thinking music, what I put on when I need to tune out the rest of the world and concentrate on the task in front of me. Tuesday was a transitional day emotionally, one where I pulled out of my funk about Andy. I had on my "mellow" set on iTunes, filled with stuff by Rascal Flatts, Keith Urban, and Taylor Swift. Feel good and mellow stuff. Then this morning on my way into work, I was listening to the radio and needed something more... time for Van Zant. Rock out baby and psych myself up to take on the day! Nothing better than cranking that up loud, cruising down the IWV backroads, and singing hard and loud! By the time I pulled in to the college I was pumped up and ready to roll... yee haw!

Posted by Debby at 09:43 AM | Permalink | Comments (0) :: Edit :: Back to Top

I am always very aware that I am being observed by those around me, not in a freakishly paranoid way, but just because of the job I have and the relationship I have with my students, especially. I'm not particuarly fond of labels, but I know that I am a "mentor" to many, even if I am not entirely comfortable with that term. Maybe it's because I feel like I am on equal footing with them, not elevated above them by virtue of education or experience or anything else. However, regardless of how I feel, I know that there are those that look to me for support and guidance. That makes it difficult sometimes when I have a few days like the ones that just passed because some of them are pretty tuned in and take it personally when I just need to crawl into my cave for a bit and recharge. I guess they are so used to me being so open and available that when I am not, they think something is wrong. I've learned from experience that having a bad couple of days doesn't mean the end of the world, doesn't mean that people hate you, and doesn't mean that life as you know it is over. I know that it's just part of the natural rhythm of living a human life. I've learned to just let myself experience it, not wallow in it, and ride it out. Things get better and I have nights like tonight, which was incredible and material for another blog entry. It's all good, really :)

Posted by Debby at 11:44 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) :: Edit :: Back to Top

From an email conversation about education:

"I agree... we need to catch kids' attention way before high school. If they have a career path or interest in mind before they hit 9th grade, it helps focus them. A kid planning on going to college is less likely to mess around with things that will get them into major trouble. On the way home tonight, my 7 year old son (Matt) asked me "what kind of school do I need to go to to become a scientist that mixes potions". Somewhere he got the idea he wants to be a chemist. Probably the part about blowing things up ;) My daughter in the back seat (Rachel) talked about becoming a geologist or a paleontologist. We had a good talk about going to a community college, then a 4 year school. My son wanted to know what else he needed to take, besides my robotics class. We talked about geology, biology and chemistry and other classes he could do. We were able to talk about word roots for a bit (ology=study of, etc). Not too bad for a 7 year old :)"

Posted by Debby at 09:49 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) :: Edit :: Back to Top

I've had one or two people tell me that I shouldn't be sad about Andy leaving, that I should be proud of him and happy for him, as if all those feelings can't co-exist. I really don't like it when people tell other people how they "should" or "should not" feel. Feelings just ARE. They aren't good or bad, they just ARE what they are. Yes, I am very proud of him. Yes, I am very happy for him because this can be an opportunity to move his life in a direction he never even considered before. But yes, I am sad, not for him, but for me. I had hoped that he would come out here and spend some time with us before he left, a chance to get to know him better, a chance to make up a little for some of the lost time in the last few years. My tears are the tears of a mother who is sending off her first born into the world. They are tears of rememberance for the little boy he used to be. They are tears of realization that you can't turn back the clock. And they are tears of worry for the world he will be facing, knowing that it's a very dangerous place out there. It's just a rite of passage. I understand that. So quit telling me what I should or shouldn't feel and just let me feel it.

Posted by Debby at 08:01 AM | Permalink | Comments (2) :: Edit :: Back to Top

"If I spend too much time thinking that I have too much to do and will never find the time to do it all then I have just wasted valuable time thinking useless thoughts. Because one way or another everything will get done. The laundry, my job, grocery shopping and yes even homework will all get done at some point in my week. Wasting time thinking otherwise is just that - a waste of time! "

~Sue, reflecting on what she read in Zen Computer for CSCI 101

Posted by Debby at 05:42 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) :: Edit :: Back to Top

Maya (Sanskrit माया māyā[1] ), in Hinduism, is a term describing many things. Maya is the phenomenal world of separate objects and people, which creates for some the illusion that it is the only reality. For the mystics this manifestation is real, but it is a fleeting reality; it is a mistake, although a natural one, to believe that maya represents a fundamental reality. Each person, each physical object, from the perspective of eternity is like a brief, disturbed drop of water from an unbounded ocean. The goal of enlightenment is to understand this —more precisely, to experience this: to see intuitively that the distinction between the self and the universe is a false dichotomy. The distinction between consciousness and physical matter, between mind and body (refer bodymind), is the result of an unenlightened perspective.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Maya_(illusion)

Posted by Debby at 07:31 AM | Permalink | Comments (0) :: Edit :: Back to Top

While I am on a color roll, here's what another one had to say. I had to select from a set of colors and "paint" each picture below.

House (green): You have little interest in your financial investments. You are not driven by material wealth and prefer to see where destiny takes you.

Shirt (dark blue): Preferring a more casual appearance, you are more comfortable in jeans and a t-shirt than in a suit. You don't like over dressing for any occasion, although you never look scruffy.

Rose (pink): Variety is the spice of life! You are comfortable in any crowd or situation, and always come away with new friends.

Car (light blue): You are a very practical person. It's more important to you that things you own are useful, rather than nice to look at.

Cell phone (dark blue): A good listener. You are comfortable allowing others to take the spotlight and share their adventures. You are protective about your friendship and ensure the best for your friends.

Teddy Bear (dark brown): You are a no-nonsense, practical person. You make sure that you are there when your friends need you, and like to solve their problems for them.

Posted by Debby at 02:04 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) :: Edit :: Back to Top

Took this simple color test today. Given the events of the past week I'm not too surprised. I should take it in another week and see what it says. My results were:

You are under considerable stress and you are almost about to 'blow your top' but you are fortunate enough to be able to exert control. Control is the name of the game and it is so good to realise that whatever the situation may be a this time - it will pass. You need to get away from everything for a while and if you do, you will find that, strangely enough, it will seem that most of your problems and situations will seem to wash away, just as the sea may wash away 'footprints' in the sand.

Being a somewhat gentle, emotional and sensitive person, you are at this time experiencing a considerable amount of tension. What you really need is someone who can be close to you and to listen to what you have to say.

You honestly believe that your hopes and ideas are realistic, but there seems to be no one around to give you the necessary reassurance and encouragement. You are egocentric. You believe that you are always 'right' - well maybe you are but you have a short fuse and are likely to take offence for the slightest reason.

The unwanted situation in which you presently find yourself is causing you considerable stress and frustration and your feeling is that whatever you try to do to remedy this is to no avail. You feel trapped. You want to get away from it all as you feel that you are banging your head against a brick wall getting nowhere. You have turned your aggression inwards and you are furious with yourself for not being able to achieve your goals. You need to go away, somewhere where there are less restrictions and where you can be free to make your own decisions.

You are worn out and lack both physical and mental energy. This lack of vitality has created an intolerance for any further excitement and you feel that you just cannot carry on; but you have been like that many times before and the situation passed. You again need to get away from it all - even if it is only for a little while. A relaxed body cannot contain a destructive emotion and the secret for you is to just relax.

Posted by Debby at 01:58 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) :: Edit :: Back to Top

Today is my mom's birthday. She would be 67. I never knew what to get her, so it was usually just a card or a phone call. She made a big deal out of the kids' birthdays. Every kid got something because she didn't want any of them to feel left out. I remember a year ago thinking that it might be the last year we had with her. Sadly, I was right.

Tomorrow is Easter. She always did up Easter baskets for all the kids, filled with goodies. I really don't like doing things like Easter baskets, but I did anyhow, even though the kids won't be home until Monday night. Tomorrow I probably won't do much. I have a lot of work to get done before Monday. I might go for a drive somewhere though. We'll see.

Posted by Debby at 10:30 AM | Permalink | Comments (0) :: Edit :: Back to Top

On the way home, I stopped in Porterville. I wanted to see my old house. I called Kym and was able to catch her before she headed out of town. I let her drive the Honda up the hill, past the lake, and down the country road that I used to travel so often. I'm glad she was driving because it gave me a chance to look around and see what was new, what had changed. Not too much was different, but I enjoyed seeing the rolling green hills, the familiar houses, the little country school just around the corner from my house. Kym chatted all the way about school and friends, different things she was involved in. I love hearing her talk about stuff and spending time with her. I miss that a lot.

We got out and I started walking around and taking pictures. I remembered having a goal to own a house before I turned 40. This was the first house I bought and it achieved my goal. I fell in love with it. I loved everything about it, from the vaulted living room ceiling to the large master bathroom. I spent many, many evenings on the front porch swing watching the cats play in the moonlight, listening to the symphony of crickets and frogs and night birds. I remember the beautiful orb spiders spinning amazing webs in the corner of the porch beams every year. I loved hearing the Canadian geese fly overhead on their migration path every August. This house became my anchor of peace and sanity, a place where I could sit still and just be, where I could feel safe and balanced, even as my personal life tumbled into an ever-increasing jumble of chaos during the divorce years. This was where my kids could have wide open spaces to play and explore and have friends over. I spent many hours walking down the road in the moonlight, under the stars, alone and with friends, just thinking, reflecting, working out the details of my life.

As I walked through the house, perhaps for the last time, many things ran through my mind. It reminded me of the first time I saw it, almost empty and ready to sell, and I knew this was the perfect place for my family. If walls could talk, oh the things it would say. I know it's time to move on, to move forward, but I will miss this place I called home. I would have stayed here forever had things been different. However, change is the only constant in life. It's better to embrace it than be afraid of it. It's time to move on. I will close this chapter and see what is ahead.

click above for more pictures of the house and property

Posted by Debby at 09:58 AM | Permalink | Comments (0) :: Edit :: Back to Top

So many different events over the last few days, so many emotions, that it's been hard to pull them apart enough to write about. It will probably take a couple of different entries to sort through everything.

I met Kandi on Thursday at the Target in Visalia. We talked about Andy and I told her it was like sending him off to camp, except instead of a week, it was for a much longer time, and instead of crafts and hiking and campfire songs, the games they are going to play are very real. Still, I sent him off like he was going to be at Camp Tulequoia again, packed with supplies:

• bubble gum and beef jerky


• some cash for sodas and video games in the airport


• a couple of phone cards so he could call home


• a letter from home to get him on his way

I was disappointed, but not surprised, when Andy told me that he hadn't talked to Kurt in over a week, and that no one from that side of the family had called him. I sort of thought they would give him a going away party or at least take him to dinner. When Andy called his dad on Tuesday morning to see if he could bring the little kids over to the recruiting office to say goodbye, Kurt said he had to work so he wouldn't. You would think that sending your son off to the military, not knowing when you would see him again, would merit getting to work an hour or two late, but I guess not.

I was very glad that Kym took herself out of school to go over and see him off from the recruiting office, and that Holly & Bill brought the boys down last Friday to spend some time with him. He will need those memories of the people who love and support him as he goes through the difficult and challenging times ahead. He will need to know that there are people who care that he comes back and that it is important that he take care of himself because he will be missed.

As always, I tried to get to the root of what saddended me the most. As I hugged him and saw that sheepish smile of his for one last time before he boarded the shuttle, I think what concerns me the most is that I am afraid he will come home hardened. I hope he doesn't lose his boyish sense of humor. I hope he doesn't lose the music in his soul. I hope he becomes a man that people will respect and be proud to call a friend, and that he will remember what is important in life. I do know that he will remember who loves him... and who cared enough to show it.

Posted by Debby at 09:37 AM | Permalink | Comments (1) :: Edit :: Back to Top

an email today:
MP: You are selling your house and sending your son off too. What else are you going to do to send your emotional well being off of a cliff? Just joking there but that is a lot of stress.

DK: As for jumping off a cliff, I think I've learned to just pull out my hangglider and coast with the wind. Lots of experience with that. I've pretty much given up waiting for the time when life will settle down. This is how things are so it's better to try and enjoy the ride, check out the scenery along the way, and find a safe place to land every once in a while. That's not always easy to do and sometimes I find myself getting blown off course, but I seem to manage to make my way back. Maybe I should give hanggliding lessons ;)

Posted by Debby at 07:38 AM | Permalink | Comments (0) :: Edit :: Back to Top

Here's a snapshot of impressions from this morning.

• Waiting quietly in the back of the room for the Major to enter and begin the ceremony, all eyes forward.
• Watching his hands as he drummed his fingers over invisible keys, looking like he was playing the music in his mind on the saxaphone that was his first instrument, over a decade ago.
• Grateful that the Major had a few kind words of wisdom to share with the recruits - stay focused, do what they tell you to do, and you will be ok.
• Watching him swear in, standing tall in formation.
• Noticing how the former military people stood at attention compared to the newbies, and knowing how that would change for them over the next few weeks.
• Wondering why there were no other parents or family members present.
• Thinking about the boy who answered "Yes" when the Major asked if there was anyone present who desired to *not* join the military at this time.
• Waiting in the lobby with him, knowing that his bus would be coming soon, determined to not get emotional until after he left.
• Seeing all of the young people at the MEPS center, some shipping out today, others beginning the recruitment process, knowing that some of them might never come home.
• Talking to the kids around me, including the boy who walked out of the swearing in ceremony, and learning a little more about why they were there.
• Watching him board the shuttle to the airport and waving goodbye.
• Getting in my car with the picture of my little boy flashing in my mind as the tears started to swell.
• Knowing that he knows I cared enough to show up and be there, even if it was embarrassing to have his mom around.