Inner Dialogue

I always enjoy coversation (via whatever medium) that causes me to think about things in a different way or that draws out deeper insights on topics I've already thought through. I told a friend recently that the person that wins my heart has to be someone who can inspire me, who can make me take time to play, and who isn't afraid to take me by the hand and pull me out of the chaos of my life for a time to sit quietly, intimately, under the stars of a brilliant desert night. He thought that was a facinating self-awareness observation. Then, last night, an event happened in the world of some people I care about that caused me to send them the following quote:

"Adversity is like a strong wind. I don't mean just that it holds us back from places we might otherwise go. It also tears away from us all but the things that cannot be torn, so that afterward we see ourselves as we really are, and not merely as we might like to be." ~ Memoirs of a Geisha

This morning, the convergence of these two apparently unrelated thoughts made me think about how it was that I came to that state of self-awareness, because I do feel I am pretty in touch with what I need from others, and what I have to offer.

Many people, when faced with major life changing experiences, choose to look at others and place the blame. Divorce is a great example. It's always easier for it to be the other person's fault. For me, my reflections turned inward. I didn't blame him for the problems that led to our downfall. I just finally accepted him for who he was and knew that for me, that was not something I could live with anymore. It became a chance to look at who I was and at who I wanted to be. It became a clarifying experience where I began to define what mattered the most in terms of a relationship. I've spent the last several years thinking very deeply about my life, letting the winds of adversity blow away the insignificant and the superficial, leaving only the core values that I hold dear. As difficult as that was, it has been a good thing, and in the long run, I have been a happier person because of it.