Inner Dialogue

Must be a time warp. The bedside clock says 10:12PM. I feel like it's midnight. But the computer still shows CA time at 8:12. Twenty-four hours ago, I was leaving Inyokern, in the hotter-than-the-surface-of-the-sun Mojave desert of California and today I was playing in the misty drizzle on the shore of Lake Michigan and wandering around Wisconsin. I loved the architecture (as always). Cute houses with large, open, GREEN lawns out front. Lots of brick buildings. After passing by dozens of little eateries, Emilee and I stopped at Wells Brothers Italian Restaurant in Racine, WI. Turns out this place has a long family history and was rated the #6 pizzaria in America. Garlic cheese bread that melts in your mouth! Everyone working there looked like family and the patrons were right out of the "salt of the earth" guidebook. They just looked "midwestern", whatever that means. We didn't get pizza because we didn't find out about that distinction until after we ordered but I might go back with Andy this weekend. On the way home, we took a different path, getting slightly lost at one point, but nothing to worry about. I actually enjoy getting lost in a new town and always seem to find my way back to home base. It's the best way to see things off the beaten path. Emilee went swimming for a little while and now we are back in the room, where I am attempting to sum up the day and get a little work done. Neither one is working very well. I think I'll just call it a night soon because tomorrow is an early morning that will begin a long and most likely emotional day.

Posted by Debby at 08:23 PM | Permalink | Comments (2) :: Edit :: Back to Top

I've said this before. There are reasons people come into your world at a given time. I've just had too many experiences with this to think otherwise. It's not random. It's a convergence of events, forces, divine intervention, whatever you want to call it. Some make minor contributions and others have the potential to completely shift the trajectory of your life. That can be a little scary to contemplate, especially when you don't exactly know where the trip will taking you. Or it can be the most incredible thing to ever happen. The trick is to be open to the experience and not afraid of the possibilities. Am I?

Posted by Debby at 01:28 PM | Permalink | Comments (1) :: Edit :: Back to Top

I'm taking Emilee to Chicago with me tomorrow. She also got to go with me on the San Diego club trip. She's getting old enough to travel with and it's been fun taking her places. The other day on the way to school, Rachel asked if she could go on the next trip and we all started talking about traveling to different places. They are eager to go, eager to see the world. I think that is an awesome thing. I want them to open up their vision to places beyond where they have grown up. I think it is important to develop an appreciation for other cultures, other parts of the world. I think it's essential to their growth that they are able to handle change with a sense of adventure and purpose. I've seen what happens when people never move outside the place from which they were born, and it isn't pretty. They become like a dog kept in a kennel, fearful of the outside world, reacting instead of interacting. My children will be aware of the bigger picture and will not be afraid of things unknown, at least if there is anything I can do about it!

Posted by Debby at 11:36 PM | Permalink | Comments (1) :: Edit :: Back to Top

Yeah, so these random blog entries come up in the Blast from the Past when I post something new. The one that just came up was dated August 3, 2006 and began with the following words:

"I just told someone that this year should be the calmest one in the last five (knock on wood!)."

Posted by Debby at 09:05 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) :: Edit :: Back to Top

It's always sort of different starting an online class. In a f2f class, the students all walk in the door at the scheduled time and sit in rows, looking to the front of the room in anticipation of what is up ahead. In an online class, they sort of trickle in, one at a time, or several at once, and you are never quite sure what they will look at. Today my summer 101 class opened up at 11am and within minutes, a few of the early birds started flocking to the site. I knew they were there because I was there too and could see their names on the Online Users list. I checked out their profiles, but most of them have yet to fill in details. At the moment, most of them are names without a face, without a personality, alone there in cyberspace somewhere. My task is to take this random group of strangers, most of whom have never met in real life, and create a social learning experience that will help them understand and appreciate the realm of computer technology. The dynamics are much different from that in my f2f classes... but the goal, and hopefully the end results, are the same.

Posted by Debby at 08:53 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) :: Edit :: Back to Top

I had a perfect day yesterday. Not just a good one, but a perfect one that started early in the morning and lasted well into the wee hours of today. It was a day that metaphorically represented how I want to live my life. We headed in a general direction, no hurry, no worries, taking plenty of time to stop and see the flowers along the way. We took some side roads and stopped in many places, slowing down enough to look closely at the intricate handiwork God has created. There was time spent at the top of the world, in awestruck silence of the beauty around or in quiet contemplation of life in general. It was gentle and easy and fun and free... a comfortable rhythm developed as we drove over curvy mountain roads or walked across grassy sierra meadows. It is pretty darned cool to spend time with someone who not only likes, but looks for, the path less taken, and who knows that some of the most wonderful experiences in life comes from just seeing where the road will take you.

Posted by Debby at 10:50 PM | Permalink | Comments (1) :: Edit :: Back to Top

The part that bothered me the most about the reaction I got from people was that there seemed to be no acknowledgement of the process it took to reach the point where I was ready to make the decision I made. I felt like my intelligence, my reflective nature, my ability to be rational and reasonable was being marginalized by people who not only had no clue about what I was thinking, but didn't want to really know what was going on. They just wanted to judge me by what they saw on the outside without making an effort to understand the underlying events that brought it all to the breaking point. There's always a story. Some people just don't want to hear it.

Posted by Debby at 11:34 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) :: Edit :: Back to Top

"Adversity is like a strong wind. I don't mean just that it holds us back from places we might otherwise go. It also tears away from us all but the things that cannot be torn, so that afterward we see ourselves as we really are, and not merely as we might like to be." ~ Memoirs of a Geisha

I met someone in person this weekend whose experience has paralleled my own in many ways, even though the actual details of the decision were very different. In her world, it was the realization that she was living a life that didn't match up with who she thought she was and who she thought she had to be. In mine, the same. From the sound of it, we both embarked on this path at roughly the same time, although the seeds of discontent were sewn much earlier.

Her acceptance that she was lesbian and that she was not going to deny that part of herself any longer is similar to my decision to leave a church temple marriage. Both had major social consequences (church). Both had relationship consequences (marriage). Both had family consequences (impact on children). I am certain that her decision was not one that came easily or impulsively. I am certain that a significant amount of anguish, confusion, and mental turmoil was involved in the attempt to reconcile what she felt with the reality of her life. I am certain of that because I felt all that too. I knew when I made the decision that there would be many who would not understand. I knew that the dynamics of our social network, mainly the church one, would be damaged. I knew that the impact would be life long and life changing. I had tried the martyr approach for years (I'll stick it out for the kids... it must just be me... time will change things...) and the mental disconnect between what I had to do and what I wanted to do was almost paralyzing at times. In the end, however, I knew this decision was something I had to do to maintain my own sense of self and integrity.

The resulting redefinition of who we are in the eyes of the world and in our own mental image of ourselves isn't always a smooth process. It's filled with questions. The path isn't always clear. There's no instruction manual. It's a clarifying process, one in which we become increasingly aware of what our core values are, what is important to us and where we want our life to go. There is an energy shift away from deflecting negative forces (denial, depression, secrecy, uncertainty) to a more positive direction (purpose, clarity, integrity, honesty). If we are open to the lessons to be learned along the way, we become better parents, friends, partners, and people. That, alone, tempers the cost and makes the effort a worthwhile one.

Posted by Debby at 08:13 AM | Permalink | Comments (1) :: Edit :: Back to Top

Must have been something in the water this morning... I came out of the shower with two trains of thought to write about. Here's the first.

*Intriguing*... that's an awesome word, although not one I would normally apply to myself. There are others in my world that I consider intriguing... that sort of mysterious quality that speaks to my curiousity and makes me want to learn more about them. Last night, I was told that *I* was intriguing and I sort of laughed at the thought.

Why? Maybe a couple of things. That word carries with it expectations, in my mind, of how I come across, and makes me wonder (and worry) about what happens if, and inevitably when, something I do doesn't meet those expectations? I don't think my reservations have anything to do with self-esteem. I know I have had some interesting experiences, and I know that "doggone it, people like me". I guess I really don't see myself as anything above and beyond anyone else. I know a lot of people who have stories that are better than mine, whose lives make me ever thankful for my own set of problems and issues. Maybe that understanding alone is what makes me intriguing...who knows?

Posted by Debby at 07:52 AM | Permalink | Comments (0) :: Edit :: Back to Top

Posted by Debby at 09:23 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) :: Edit :: Back to Top

This video

led me to do a little more indepth research into a very serious disorder.

http://www.curecd.com/

Posted by Debby at 01:03 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) :: Edit :: Back to Top

I so agree with this:

the last couple of years have taught me that life is a lot bigger than i thought it was. i wish i knew how to transplant that idea into other people's heads. i look into other people's worlds sometimes, and i feel that same way that i feel when i watch a 6'10" guy that weighs 350 pounds squeezing himself into a yugo (remember those cars?). it's like, "wow! how do you fit in there?!" then i remember that it was me just a couple of years ago (sounds a little like your comment in your myspc email about things changing so much in a year). in the last three years i would say that my life has taken a 540 degree turn followed by a few +/- 36.8 degree turns and some other stuff that got all mixed in. the end result was one ridiculously messy situation, but i realized that life is only interesting when things don't go as planned. (SK)

Posted by Debby at 09:31 AM | Permalink | Comments (1) :: Edit :: Back to Top

...that one of my students IMd me this morning and asked me if I wanted to go to lunch with him. Not for any other reason than to just hang out for a bit. We went to Casa Java, my first time eating there. Awesome sandwiches. I don't know what kind of bread that was but it was the BEST!

Posted by Debby at 01:33 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) :: Edit :: Back to Top

My seven-year old son Matt was looking at the cover of Revolution OS this morning on my bed and he came up with an interesting interpretation of the Microsoft - Linux sign on the front.

"Mom, does this mean don't give money to penguins?"

Posted by Debby at 07:28 AM | Permalink | Comments (0) :: Edit :: Back to Top

I've spent the last two days working with 36 fifth grade students at Inyokern Elementary School. We've been trying to plan a time all year when we could do a robotics activity. They came to our "I Can Go To College" day a few weeks ago and the timing was right to set something up this week. Four of my students came to help out, giving them a chance to teach and facilitate a little in a setting that was quite different from what we are used to at the college. It turned out to be a great activity that got the kids highly engaged in the process. Their task was a simple one... build an "ambulance" robot to go from Ridgecrest Hospital to a gruesome crash scene to pick up a legoman victim and return back to the hospital. Easier said than done! In the end, most robots ran, although where they ran to was sometimes a surprise ;)

I had a great conversation with Mrs. Cornell about the idea of creating an afterschool club next year. Very often, this sort of thing is offered to the GATE kids, but I think it's the ones at the other end of the spectrum that can benefit the most. We are going to explore some funding options for robotics equipment for the school. I would love to see one or two of my guys volunteer to facilitate the club. It would be an awesome community service experience for them and a good opportunity to try their hand at teaching. I know at least one who is interested in doing something like this. Mrs. Holm and I spent some time today after the kids were gone reflecting on the whole event, talking about the logistics of doing this sort of activity. There are classroom management strategies, group dynamics, and other interesting kinks to work out that can improve the experience for all involved. I'd like to bring this back next year applying the lessons we've learned on this initial run.

There were lots of stories coming out of the last few days, but I'll just share two that made the most impact on me. I'm not sure of her name, but there was one shy little girl who got very involved in what we were doing yesterday. I was told that this was the most engaged she had been in something all year long. Today when I got to the school, she quietly came up to me and just stood there for a bit, before launching into a discussion about what her robot was doing and other lego things the students were building. This project gave her something to talk about, something to think about, something she could dig into and learn about in a way that seemed to catch her attention. That was very cool.

The other story involves a boy who is...um... rather high maintenance, I think it would be safe to say. I've had a couple of experiences with him in other activities at the school and I know he's one of those kids that requires a lot of guidance (aka duct tape). However, on this project, he was fully focused and engaged. He was coming up with ideas and articulating them to me and his teammate (my daughter). He reminded me a lot of the other "lost boys" that seem to find their way into my robotics class and I think he would do quite well in something like that. We talked for a while after class today and I tossed out the idea that he might be old enough to come take the class in the fall. I am sure I will be seeing him again.

The quote of the day came from one boy who said simply, "Robots are cool". I hope the connection they are making is that "hey, thinking is cool... and so is college. It's something *I* can do someday." I hope they caught a glimpse of the possible and that someday, in the not too distant future, we will be seeing them on our campus!

Pictures? of course! http://flickr.com/photos/debbyk/sets/72157600254043117/

Posted by Debby at 12:48 AM | Permalink | Comments (0) :: Edit :: Back to Top

My best friend has been in a challenging situation for several years now, stepmom to two sons whose bio-mother has really dropped the ball in major ways. My friend has raised these children as her own and has endured much heartache and frustration in dealing with the situation created by the bio-mom. Somewhat recently bio-mom moved back in state and is having issues because the oldest son doesn't trust her and doesn't want to be involved with any of her activities. My friend is constantly being accused of feeding the fire of discontent with this child, and is feeling the strain of years of harassment. The latest volley has to do with the lack of respect the son shows to his bio-mom. She asked me what I thought about the expectation of respect when it hasn't been earned and this was my reply:

I had to contemplate this one for a while. Here's what I came up with.

I think it is useful to teach that respect should be given because it's the civil thing to do at times, even when circumstances dictate otherwise. I respect the president of the United States for the office he holds and what that represents in our democracy, even though I do not agree with all of his decisions. There is a difference between respect and acceptance. What you think about someone does not have to influence how you act around them. Helping Jason show respect for Jayne because she is a mom and a woman, in the long run will be a better lesson for him on many levels. It will teach him that it is ok to disagree civilly with someone. It will teach him to respect differences of opinion and to tolerate people in other situations he may not agree with or understand. It is also a good to learn that it is possible to take the higher road even when the other person does not. Why bother with all of those lessons? Because it's the right thing to do and it makes the world around us a better place to live in.

I think the confusion here is between respect and love or respect and acceptance, maybe even between feelings and behavior. Respect is not synonymous with love and acceptance, although they are often found together. It is possible to feel one thing and behave in a different way as well. Not easy. Not easy at all. But possible.

for what it's worth, that's what I think.

Posted by Debby at 11:50 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) :: Edit :: Back to Top

I'm in a kinda funky mood right now. Cleaning the kitchen tonight set it off. I know why. Reminded me of something I liked. Something on my mind that I can't shake. Not bad. Just unknown. Time for some mint chocolate ice cream and a good book. That should work for a while :)

Posted by Debby at 10:38 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) :: Edit :: Back to Top

"Human beings, vegetables, or cosmic dust, we all dance to a mysterious tune, intoned in the distance by an invisible player."

~ Albert Einstein

Posted by Debby at 08:55 AM | Permalink | Comments (0) :: Edit :: Back to Top

Divorce is such an abrupt word, a harsh word. It implies so many things... broken hearts, unmet expectations, shattered dreams. It doesn't matter on which side of the word you stand, the view isn't any prettier. It's a loaded word, one that conveys a whole range of emotions. It's a heavy word that weights on the mind and soul. It hurts to hear it and it hurts to feel it. It's a word that cuts to the core of who you think you are and makes you take a look at who you want to be. Tonight a friend applied it to himself for perhaps the first time, at least publically. Knowing the situation a little, I know it wraps up years of confusion and hurt and sadness and loss... and perhaps even indicates relief and freedom. It's a step toward healing. it's a step towards what is up ahead. It's a step from which there is no turning back. Lots wrapped up on that one simple word.

Posted by Debby at 05:11 AM | Permalink | Comments (0) :: Edit :: Back to Top

I just opened the front door to let Jessie in. Another breathtakingly beautiful night full of stars in the high desert. Amazing. Off to bed now. Good night.

Posted by Debby at 12:44 AM | Permalink | Comments (0) :: Edit :: Back to Top

Tonight I attended the town hall meeting regarding revisions to the Kern County animal control ordinance. I enjoy participating in local forum like this. They are usually educational and often entertaining. Tonight's discussion involved modifications to the number of animals that would be allowed without permit in county areas. At least 70 people packed the Inyokern Senior Center at 6pm. The meeting was to solicit public comment and concern about the changes. I found a couple of things interesting, particularly how many people really had no idea how the whole process worked.

Although there were several very vocal and well-spoken people who voiced serious concerns backed up with rational reasons, many more were reactionary, defensive, and at times, clueless. Someone referred to the proceedings as "communist", a comment I almost giggled at given that an open discussion like this would probably not be possible in a communist society (aside from the fact that communism is an economic model anyhow). Another ranted on about the violation of her constitutional rights against taxation without representation. When told that the Board of Supervisors was the deciding body, she seemed clueless that they were elected officials, elected by the people, and if we didn't like what they decided, we could vote them out of office. I found it ironic that she was cloaking herself in constitutional law yet apparently didn't understand how her local representative government worked.

A lot of people were unable to stay focused and on topic, dragging the meeting out to 3 hours by the time I finally had to leave. We probably could have covered the entire ordinance in an hour otherwise. I think the bottom line was that there were a lot of people who needed to practice the fine art of listening before reacting and responding. It made me appreciate all the more the people who took the time to educate themselves and offer well thought out comments, questions, and suggestions.

Posted by Debby at 11:38 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) :: Edit :: Back to Top

I just read a blog post from a friend. I've read it before, a few weeks ago when he sent it to me. Tonight he posted it out in public, and even though I'd already seen it, it had the same impact. It made me stop, again. It pulled at my heart, again. It made me wish I could make things all better, again. It made me just want to reach out and offer a hug, some comfort, something. It's not a place I would wish anyone to be, and when someone I care about is there, I feel the hurt. sigh.

Posted by Debby at 11:28 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) :: Edit :: Back to Top

Today we took the legos to Inyokern School, to Emilee's 5th grade class. We've been talking about this for months, and now that the school year is almost over, we finally had the opportunity. Robert, Danny, and Joe came to help out. We got there as lunch recess was ending and the kids were all excited to see us. I heard one kid say something like "There's Emilee's mom... she's got legos!" They ran out to the car to help carry stuff in, surrounding Robert and I, swarming exuberantly around as we walked out. We got everything into the class, and the teacher settled down the crowd of 36 students so I could get started.

They were a good audience and I told them that in my classroom at the college, when I was speaking it was time for the students to be quiet and listen, and that there would be plenty of time for them to talk soon. Since they had all been up at CC a few weeks ago, we just reviewed a couple of things. I love pulling answers out of students, going with what they bring out, exploring the concepts they bring up in a little more depth. "What is a robot?" I asked. That led to some discussion about artificial intelligence, about how sensors work, and about what robots can do.

Next came the task. I described the scene, a gruesome crash with bodies and cars and Ridgecrest Regional Hospital. I asked them what kind of robot they thought we would need in a scene like this, and of course, someone said "an ambulance". When I mentioned that they should build something to bring back a victim to the hospital so they could be saved, someone pointed out the ones without heads and the ones without legs. Oh well. Too late to save some of them!

The kids spent an hour of high impact, high energy, high level creativity, experimenting and exploring, trying things out, troubleshooting problems, and pushing the boundaries of what they know. The teacher told me that this was the most engaged she had seen one of the girls all year. The principal came in to observe and we talked about what it would take to do this as an afterschool club next year. Even the teacher from next door stopped by to see what all of the excitement was about. Tomorrow we will build some, program some, and run the robots. You can tell people what this is all about all day long... but it isn't until they see it in action that they get what it is all about. Another amazing day in RoboLand :)

Posted by Debby at 10:22 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) :: Edit :: Back to Top

"Robots are COOL!"

~Inyokern 5th grader

Posted by Debby at 03:58 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) :: Edit :: Back to Top

Gotta love 'em! We had a picnic dinner at Inyokern Park tonight before the 4-H meeting. What a bunch of goobers!

Rachel, Matthew, Emilee

Posted by Debby at 11:12 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) :: Edit :: Back to Top

"Even though it is a third topic I feel that the beta version of the book ties into the bugs section of the book. After I find the bugs and debug them I then release the beta version of me. After my release I find new problems to fix and I find myself debugging all over again. I believe that a good program and life will always be in beta version until the life of the program or the life cycle of the person comes to an end. Mi Zai.... There is always more to learn."

~Brandon Johnson, referring to Zen Computer, CSCI 101, Spring 2007

Posted by Debby at 12:24 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) :: Edit :: Back to Top

Men are cool. 'nuff said.

Posted by Debby at 08:05 AM | Permalink | Comments (0) :: Edit :: Back to Top

“I don’t believe that logic is universal,” he says thoughtfully. “I happen to believe that logic is local. You believe in things that make sense to you and are logical to you because of your education, your background, your upbringing, what you believed in.” English words may exist in Arabic-language dictionaries, but the universe of concepts that determines their meaning is different. “When we say we will ‘look into’ an issue, OK, that could mean many things,” he says. “It could mean, ‘Forget it, it’s never going to happen.’ But there is a difference between ‘We will look into it’ or ‘We will reconsider it.’” Likewise, the Arabic inshallah—“God willing”—which in general usage can be the equivalent of “We’ll look into it,” can also mean that the speaker will rely on God’s will to make something happen. “It depends on so many variables, and you will not be able to get the right message unless you are familiar with everything—the body language, with the way the phrase is being said,” he explains. “Because words without meanings are meaningless.”

~ Gamal Helal, quoted in the Atlantic Monthly, June 2007

Posted by Debby at 09:29 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) :: Edit :: Back to Top

Wonderful evening to be out for a walk. I think we did about two and a half, maybe three miles tonight. Gotta keep doing that!

Posted by Debby at 07:48 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) :: Edit :: Back to Top

I was just out watering my flowers. I love how they look and the beauty they bring to where I live. I told someone the other day that I like planting flowers but that I am not that good at gardening. This morning I realized that really isn't the case. For years, Kurt was in charge of the gardening and landscaping. He has a degree in ornamental horticulture and does this professionally, so I always deferred to his expertise. Things were in neat little rows, everything grew perfectly, he knew exactly what to do if something wasn't thriving well. So, in comparison, I felt like I didn't know anything. In the last couple of years, I have enjoyed learning how to plant flowers and I absolutely love the cluttered cottage garden look that would have driven him crazy. I am learning what grows well here and I could actually tell someone yesterday morning that the vincas will look awesome when they fill in the oak barrel they are planted in. There is beauty in imperfection that should be celebrated!

Posted by Debby at 07:54 AM | Permalink | Comments (0) :: Edit :: Back to Top

Ok, I'm hooked now. I have a couple of sudoku books around but haven't gotten into them. Numbers aren't really my thing. Matt bought a word-doku book yesterday and I tried one out... this I get! I can see how you get hooked on this! Very cool logic puzzles.

Posted by Debby at 06:35 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) :: Edit :: Back to Top

"Imagination is more important than knowledge."

~Albert Einstein

Posted by Debby at 04:46 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) :: Edit :: Back to Top

It's been forever since I've stayed up all night talking with someone till the sun came up... perfect weather to sit out on the swing and think, talk, listen, be. Just a whisper of a breeze and a couple of shooting stars. Exceptionally tired at the moment, but how cool :)

Posted by Debby at 02:16 PM | Permalink | Comments (1) :: Edit :: Back to Top

Friday was an awesome day for a lot of different reasons. If you want the bottom line, skip to the end. Otherwise read on for the detailed version. I was at school getting some paperwork done, but really too excited about things to really focus on the mundane stuff in front of me, so I ended up walking around the library talking to people. One of the students who has been on the periphery of the group all year, and who we have worked really hard at trying to bring into the fold, came up with his mom. I saw him pointing out my office to her so I went over to say hi. He had brought her up to meet me and get some things done. It was fun to talk to her about some of the things we are doing and to encourage him to participate more in our activities.

Around noon, I took Dominick to lunch and Eric came along. I always have to kick into intellectual mode around him but I really enjoy it. We ate lunch at Sizzler and discussed a research idea that Eric is working on for his doctoral application essay. I loved his idea about exploring the relationship between algorithms (what we think) and programming (what we do). He always brings in a linguistic tie that I find very interesting, so it was a great conversation.

I headed home to get ready for graduation, then picked up the kids and went back into town around 5. The kids hung out with Robert and Michelle while I went back to the faculty staging area. They love being at the college and I like that they got to see the pomp and circumstance that goes along with the ceremony. Back in the faculty area, I apparently looked sufficiently clueless about how to attach the hood that Kathy walked up to me and started fixing me up. She was awesome! I attached the flat hat (having long hair for the first time in over a decade was great!) and had fun talking with colleagues as we were all getting ready. I hooked up with Mike (my partner in crime) and we all lined up to make our grand entrance. I was able to find Dom before things started to give him a hug and I think a few other faculty talked to him also. He's definitely a staff favorite :) Walking into the gym, I scanned the area for people I knew, students and friends, and saw many. Again fun fun!

After graduation, I wandered around in the reception area, looking for people and talking to people. Michelle and Josh had gone out to the house with Emilee, Rachel, and Matt earlier to get ready and be there for anyone who showed up early. I gathered up the group I was driving out, met up with Dom and his family, and caravaned to the outback. Eric was already there and other people started arriving. It didn't take too long before we had a pretty large group of people, inside and out. Good thing I picked up some extra lawn chairs!! (are they still lawn chairs if you don't have any grass? Maybe I should call them concrete slab chairs? That doesn't quite have the same ring to it though). My kids played with other kids and had the chance to interact with the adults there. They finally passed out by around 11.

Somewhere around midnight, most folks had left, but several of the die hards (Steve, Kathleen, Dominick) hung out with Gavin and I to watch Young Frankenstein. Can you believe the gentlemen in the group had NEVER seen the whole movie? Where have they been all their lives? Totally funny movie with lots of subtle (and NOT so subtle) humor. I walked Steve out to his car around 2:30am, Kathleen also left, and Dominick looked tired so I asked him if he wanted to just crash on my couch, which he did. Next morning, or later that same morning, I made a bunch of pancakes for breakfast, we all got dressed, and another day began.

So, what's the bottom line I took from the experience?

• I love having a home where many different types of people are welcome and where they feel comfortable hanging out
• Whoever gets me, gets a package deal, because these people are all a part of the picture.
• I love that my kids see and accept people into our home, that they see me extend hospitality to others. I think that is a valuable lesson in acceptance, tolerance, and charity (not in the handout sense, but in the sense of being kind to our fellow man) that will serve them well as they grow up.

  Posted by Debby at 05:03 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) :: Edit :: Back to Top
  

Graduation is always one of my favorite times of year. It's a time filled with hopes and aspirations, and as a teacher, I love being in the receiving line seeing my students pass by, giving hugs, shaking hands, offering congratulations. For some of these people, it's a goal hard won. They've had to raise families and hold down jobs, persevering through many challenges. For many, this is just one step in a lifelong progression of learning and discovery. That I can be some small part in the process is a humbling experience and one that I cherish.

Posted by Debby at 11:36 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) :: Edit :: Back to Top

I was talking to Joe after lunch about his talents and skills with what he does, and he mentioned that he might like to be a teacher someday, but that he'd never want to teach English or math. I told him that I had started an MA in English and after a couple of quarters, decided that it wasn't for me because I didn't want to teach English either. I've seen him work with other students and he is very patient in how he explains things. He is very generous with what he knows and doesn't hesitate to share. I think he probably would be a great teacher. I told him that there is a great need for teachers that can connect with "our guys" because those are the students that often feel like they can't do school, or that school has no relevance to them. It is SO important that we hook them in and give them something tangible as they work toward their goals, and Joe could be one of those teachers that inspires others in wonderful ways. I told him that this is the hardest job I've ever done, and after the most energetic classes, I walk away totally exhausted and drained, but in such a good way, even though sometimes, I don't feel like I do any real "teaching". Joe said "that's the best kind of job, one that leaves you tired. If you have to go to the gym after work to get rid of extra energy, then you are in the wrong job". Very cool insight :)

Posted by Debby at 12:57 AM | Permalink | Comments (0) :: Edit :: Back to Top

I got a lot of yard work done today. This morning, I got up early and planted the honeysuckle before getting the kids up for school. I cleaned up around the yard in a few places. I planted the rest of the annual color in the front flower beds, between the bulbs. I also dug out a new bed in front of the wagon wheel and planted the daisies there. I put up a string of lights along the front fence. The vision I have for how I'd like things to look around here is starting to come together, a piece at a time. I like it :)

Posted by Debby at 10:16 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) :: Edit :: Back to Top

I had a realization yesterday about a situation that has been driving me a little crazy. I hadn't been quite able to put my finger on just what was rubbing me the wrong way... I just knew that it was. Then, yesterday, I realized that the current situation reminded me exactly of why I got out of a 14 year marriage. I am having the same reactions, the same feelings, because the flash points have been exactly the same. I'm not sure what to do about it because I was obviously unable to deal with it after a decade and a half of trying before. Maybe this is supposed to be a learning experience for me... learning how to handle something that in the past has caused so much pain, anguish, and stress. How do I change a situation that involves someone who doesn't seem to see a problem?

Posted by Debby at 04:07 PM | Permalink | Comments (1) :: Edit :: Back to Top

"Somewhere, something incredible is waiting to be known."

~ Carl Sagan

Posted by Debby at 01:25 AM | Permalink | Comments (0) :: Edit :: Back to Top

Tonight was the last night of robo class. As always, mixed feelings. Glad the semester is over, for a lot of reasons, but I will really miss that class. How many students leave a class proud to be alumni? Wanting shirts professing they are "Robo-Vets"? This whole class did! The energy, the enthusiasm, the motivation, the crazy pace and insane ideas... that all fuels my own passion for learning. I think my favorite part of tonight, however, was sitting around the table with my robo-vets after the projects ran. The not-so-newbies were in the room breaking down and cleaning up while we debriefed each group. I had the grade sheet, but as a team, we discussed what the grade should be. Alex, Joe, Dominick, Eric, Chuck, Robert, and Mike all contributed to the final assessment. As we sat around and talked, I kept thinking what a cool thing this was, this peer assessment. I learned so much from their comments, as they came up with things I would not have thought about. It is an amazing collaboration, this robo class, one in which newbies rub elbows with knowbies, where those who have experience have an opportunity to mentor and teach their peers, where we all get an opportunity to expand our knowledge by associating with robo-friends from the community. I've said it before, but it's worth repeating... there is magic in those little plastic bricks, something that facilitates social learning on levels that almost nothing can duplicate. I can't wait until next semester!

Posted by Debby at 11:29 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) :: Edit :: Back to Top

SK: happy mother's day a day late (i'd love to say that that i didn't know why i forgot, but i know exactly why). in my book any mom to five kids whose kids still love them is an amazing mom. you deserve two thumbs up for many reasons, not least of which is that you manage to be an amazing teacher while managing to still be a mom. i honestly don't know why you don't look like you are totally frazzled all the time, but you always look like you just got off the raptor (awesome roller coaster ride) and are ready to try it again. you also somehow have the time to plant flowers around your house and raise goats. i haven't had a chance to interview your kids, but i suspect that they'd say you were a fun mom. so there it is... happy mother's day.

DK: Time to tip my hand a little more... at the end of a long day like today, a long week like the last one, I am a little frazzled. I think that's why having a place like my swing is such an important thing for me. It's definitely one of the reasons I moved to the outback here. I had to live somewhere I could step outside at night and see the stars and hear the sounds of the natural world around me. Anywhere else just wasn't an option. The last several years have been very, very serious ones, ones in which sometimes I feel like I have forgotten how to play as I've had to shoulder an awful lot of responsibility all alone. The irony is not lost on me that I am pretty darned good at setting up playful learning environments for others but not for myself. Sometimes I wonder if my kids will think of me as fun or just as the one who had to work a lot all the time. I'm glad that they see where I work as a fun place to be, but I wish it didn't spill over so much to home. I couple of big things have come off my plate recently and that should help a lot (hope springs eternal, eh?). That is why I value so much the people in my world that make me laugh and smile. I love the pace of my life... I love my job, my kids, my students, my friends, and the passion I find all around me... I am ready to get back on that roller coaster for another ride... but the best thing someone can do for me is to just hold me close and make me slow down for a time.

Posted by Debby at 07:09 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) :: Edit :: Back to Top

... and in my bathroom closet! Got the chicks today and the kittens are almost 4 weeks old. They'll be rampaging through the house any time now! Can't wait for fresh eggs in a few months. We have barred rocks, black australorps, americanas, dominiques, and a few others I already forgot. I think a little Polish one snuck in somehow because it has a poofy, feathery head.

Posted by Debby at 08:01 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) :: Edit :: Back to Top

"The lady doth protest too much, methinks." -- From Hamlet (III, ii, 239)

Yesterday I was talking with a friend of mine who continually sprinkled praises to Jesus into about every other sentence. It did get a little annoying after a bit and it made me wonder why it makes me slightly uncomfortable when people do that. I guess it sort of bothers me when people continually have to tell others who they are and what they believe instead of just being who they are and believing what they believe. As far as God goes, to me that's something that should be a very personal, very intimate relationship and not something I am interested in pushing out in front of everyone to see. It's not that I'm not willing to talk about what I think and believe with people. It's that I think who I am and how I relate to the people around me should speak for itself. No need to advertise.

Posted by Debby at 06:34 PM | Permalink | Comments (2) :: Edit :: Back to Top

This was posted as a comment to my MySpace page:

A Strong Woman
is one who feels deeply
and loves fiercely.
Her tears flow
just as abundantly
as her laughter.

A strong woman
is both soft and powerful.
She is both
practical and spiritual.

A strong woman
in her essence
is a gift to all the world.

Happy Mother's Day
to a woman who shows
what it takes
to be one.

Posted by Debby at 12:23 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) :: Edit :: Back to Top

Monday: continued server issues on Goatweb (several thousand active members) with no response from host, also random errors on Moodle resulting in complaints from other faculty using the site; hands-on demonstration with 200 local 5th graders; 101 class - HTML lesson

Tuesday: Academic Senate meeting - standing up for the Classified Employee of the Year; robotics class - stayed late.

Wednesday: meeting to explain robotics classes; Rotary luncheon with college president and the incoming ASCC president; 101 class final presentations.

Thursday: awake to email about Gavin - worrying about that all day; Awards luncheon presenting CIS Student of the Year to Josh; meet with Associate Chancellor of Educational Services; KCCD Board of Trustees meeting; introduce Robert to Chancellor Serrano.

Friday: Take telecom, VB, and C++ classes through first CIC meeting; make note of required revisions due by Monday; pack up for EYH; go home and pack; pick up kids; drive to Porterville and then Visalia (200 miles); final prep for EYH.

Saturday: Expanding Your Horizons conference with 700 girls attending; three one-hour presentations to about 60 girls total; marathon Target shopping session with little kids for much needed summer clothes; meet Kym and friends in Tulare; arrive home at 10pm after driving about 200 miles.

What I wouldn't give for a PEDICURE and MASSAGE right now!!!

Posted by Debby at 11:23 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) :: Edit :: Back to Top

It's interesting to talk with someone who has a similar outlook and enthusiasm for life and learning, but who got to that mutual place from a completely different angle than I did. It's like we arrived at a common destination from totally opposite starting points. It's making me want to look around at his side of the spectrum to see and understand what is over there, because it's a way of thinking that is new to me. I see many interesting conversations ahead :)

Posted by Debby at 12:27 AM | Permalink | Comments (0) :: Edit :: Back to Top

Spent some time with Kym tonight. I always miss her and love talking to her. Hopefully she'll come out soon. Stopped by Hoagies Heroes on the way out for a coke and some of their famous fries. I've been going through that drive-thru since high school. Spent many hours there dipping fries into vanilla milkshakes! As I passed through JUG country, on my way to Visalia, the "dairy-air" reminded me of many late night trips across the back roads of Tulare County. It's good to be back... but I'm glad I am where I am these days. There's no place I'd rather be.

Posted by Debby at 11:57 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) :: Edit :: Back to Top

The awards banquet today was set up in the student center with tables, podium, etc. They moved the couches and other misc furniture outside on the patio in a corner to make more room. So Josh and I are sitting there in the middle of the presentations, room full of people including the Kern Community College Board of Trustees, the ENTIRE Cerro Coso administration, many faculty, students, family, and friends... and we glance outside... only to notice that Frank and Brady had decided to relocate the couches to someplace more comfortable. As we are watching them move the furniture (in full view of EVERYONE), I turned to Josh and whispered... "just don't tell anyone they are MY students!"

For the official record: I know nothing. I have no idea who these people are. I don't know where they got such subversive ideas. And if I am asked, I will claim plausible deniablity.

off the record: ROFL!

CIS Student of the Year: Joshua Montemayor
Adjunct Professor of the Year: Dan Johnson
w00t!

Posted by Debby at 11:44 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) :: Edit :: Back to Top

Seems like it's been forever since I've sat out here in the evening on the front-porch-swing. It's a lovely evening with a light breeze whispering through the leaves, creating a musical score that ebbs and flows in the background, ever so gently rocking me back and forth. A year ago I was spending a lot of time on this swing, for a lot of reasons. I miss the peaceful serentity of the night sky filled with stars that reach to eternity. It is good to be out here, away from bright lights, away from the noise, out in the open where I can reach out with my mind and soul to something beyond myself, where I can close my eyes and find balance. Soon, that peace will be broken. Soon, I will have to deal with things that may be beyond my ability to fix. But for now here is where I am.

Posted by Debby at 08:26 PM | Permalink | Comments (1) :: Edit :: Back to Top

"Education is what remains after one has forgotten what one has learned in school."

and

"Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds."

~ Albert Einstein

Posted by Debby at 11:07 PM | Permalink | Comments (1) :: Edit :: Back to Top

"We have to continually be jumping off cliffs and developing our wings on the way down."

~ Kurt Vonnegut

Posted by Debby at 06:39 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) :: Edit :: Back to Top

from my 3rd year evaluation committee:

"Debby's student comments have been wonderful. Her students are actively engaged and excited about learning. She is connecting with students that may not otherwise engage.

Debby's online classes are very organized and she uses lots of outside resources and links to provide learning for her students. Debby may want to add peer assessment assignments to increase learning opportunities for her students.

Debby is very active in the creation of the Students Intrigued by Technology club and has enriched the student social and academic life. Her commitment of time to her students is reflected in the excitement of her students to learning. She is also very community involved and is actively representing the college and involves her students in the presentations.

Debby had also been actively involved in both college and district committees and task forces. The energy that she invest in distance learning at the college and the district is commendable and has made a huge contribution to the college program. She continues to explore other technology to enhance learning for her students. She is truly an asset to the college."

Posted by Debby at 02:42 PM | Permalink | Comments (1) :: Edit :: Back to Top

It is important to show up and let your voice be heard. I don't speak often here, but when I do I feel like my voice is heard and makes a difference. Today I had the opportunity to stand up for an employee who is very deserving of an honor, and had I not spoken she may not have been recognized. I appreciate being part of a body where what I say is respected and considered.

Posted by Debby at 01:02 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) :: Edit :: Back to Top

noisy
messy
chaotic
fun
hands-on
social
exciting
like this:

Posted by Debby at 11:20 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) :: Edit :: Back to Top

Well, ok, so it was Bath and Body Works, but the effect was the same. Soaked in the tub for a while, kicked back on the bed for a while. Feels good to relax. Today was lots of hard fun. Seems like I just had a talk with the kids this morning that sometimes the best things in life are those you work hard for. It makes the results so much better than anything that just comes easy or is handed to you. There is no doubt that I work hard, work a lot, work my tail off... but when you have a job like mine, there is such a fine line between work and play that sometimes it's hard to remember that's what I am doing. So today, at the end of the day, I am dead tired, but at the same time, extremely satisfied with how things went. I look back at this morning, when I was literally bouncing down the hallway with excitement that the kids were coming, when my guys were working hard to get things ready for the demo, when we spent a couple of hours in total non-stop chaos, juggling kids and questions and ideas like the ringmaster in a three-ring circus... and it's a good feeling. Hard work does pay off, and all of the effort is worth it when you reap the fruits of your labors. Not talking about money either. Something much more rewarding... the knowledge that the job's been well done, that you've helped someone along the way, and that you've learned something while you are at it. Nothing worthwhile comes easy... and I think it's better that way. I don't think I'd want it any other way.

Posted by Debby at 10:43 PM | Permalink | Comments (1) :: Edit :: Back to Top

How do you spell T-O-A-S-T? Showing about 200 5th graders that you get to play with LEGOs when you go to college! They came in three waves, and we had about 20 minutes per group to show and tell. A couple of my students showed up early to help set up the golf ball box. Bill worked on making one of the bots remote controlled so we could let some of the kids give it a try. At the last minute, I got a bright idea about putting legos out on each desk, so we scrambled to get that set out. I wanted something they could put their hands on. We used the donated legos and pulled out anything we cared about so it didn't matter if they took some home. Michelle was running the audio/visual/camera equipment, the legos were distributed, Bill had the bot programmed, Danny was ready to man the golfball box, Dominick was scurrying around doing whatever he could to help out and we got ready to roll just in the nick of time.

The first group came in with over 75 students. I thought the room was full but they just kept coming in! We ran out of desks so a bunch sat on the floor in the front. We had to give them legos to play with also of course, so now we had legos all over the floor! The second had a group of special needs kids, including one autistic boy that I talked to while we were showing the video. He couldn't decide what to build but when I told him anything was ok, he went to town. The third included my daughter Emilee's class from Inyokern, so I had the hometown advantage since all of the kids know me.

How do you get kids excited about college in 20 minutes or less? I started off by telling them that I would be choosing two students to run a real robot at the end of the session. I'd be looking for kids who were paying attention and building quietly while we talked (crowd control strategy). I then asked who had played with legos before? Legos that do things? Well, what can they do? Then we talked about what a robot is and does...good answers from the studio audience. I asked them how they know what is going on in the world around them...ears, eyes, touch... and paralleled that to the robot sensors we had. Described how the ultrasonic sensor worked and asked them what animals had the same ability (bats, dolphins). Sadly no taste or smell sensors for these bots or I'd be programming them to seek out high-quality chocolate for me ;)

The next segment was showing them the video. I asked them to watch and tell me what they noticed. A bunch said things like "they are playing" and "they are having fun" ... cool! Building, programming, designing, calculating all came out... so you mean, working with robots can lead to engineering, computer programming, science, and math? Of course! I love moving around the room, seeing what they are building. It also helps keep their attention because they never quite know where to find me.

The final segment involved letting Danny explain the golf ball box challenge. I asked the kids what types of sensors they thought would be needed to complete a task like this (tie in back to the first part of the session). Then I looked for a couple of kids, a girl and a boy, that were working quietly, and asked them to come to the center stage to try their hand at corralling the golf balls into the hole. The other kids gathered around to watch. After a few minutes, I had them all sit down again, thanked them for coming, and told them that someday, if they came to Cerro Coso, they too could play with legos in college! As one group did an exit stage left, the next came in stage right, and away we went for the next session. The last group (my Inyo kids) helped pick up the legos that were everywhere because there was an actual class coming into the room about 5 minutes after that. By some miracle of miracles, ALL of the legos were back in the box and we were packed up and ready to head out in a few minutes.

No rest for the wicked... after I joined Emilee's class for lunch, I came back to the library to see the class from Immanual wandering around. They were checking out what was there. I offered to show them around and took up to my office. They all decided to come in and I heard a lot of ohhhs and ahhhs... wow, you have a lot of TOYS in your office... what a COOL office! lol. We took the attached pic (how many kids CAN you fit into one college professor's office?) I showed them the ITV classroom where we have the club meetings. They thought it was pretty cool when I aimed the camera at them and they all showed up on the big screen. We then went over to the computer classroom so they could see what that looked like. They got a kick out of sitting at the desks and asked lots of qu