Inner Dialogue

I was pushing a shopping cart through Costco in Bakersfield tonight, talking on the phone, having just dropped off the kids with their father and his girlfriend, when an almost overwhelming sense of motion came over me. Not in the sense of being physically dizzy; more like the sensation of a life constantly in motion, a mind constantly engaged, an existence constantly connected to others. I had to get off the phone and just think about it for a minute. It's not just about alone time. I get that at home once in a while. I get that in the car for extended periods fairly often. It's about quiet time. Time not in motion. Time to recharge and reflect without any demands pulling at me, consciously or subconsciously. About the closest I get to that now is when we occasionally meet for lunch, in the park, in the car, someplace, anyplace, and time simultaneously slows to a crawl but goes by too quickly. Everything else gets put on hold and I don't worry about what should be or what isn't... I just focus on the moment. I think what hit me tonight was something like a memo from God reminding me that to hear his still, small voice, I must be quiet. I must work in time alone where my mind and my soul can speak to Him and hear what He has to say. That probably means going up into the mountains somewhere for a few hours on a regular basis to read scripture, to ponder, to pray, to write... to think. Exactly how that is going to happen remains to be seen.