Inner Dialogue

Zach 18, heading off to college with girlfriend, Desi. They were the oldest and though they came and went on their own, they also were around a lot to help with the little ones. Desi seems like one of the bunch. She wipes noses, brushes the sand off, and nurtures the little ones. Zach is the protector, even of Desi.

Jason 14, still the same ADHD child I remember, only instead of coming up to my non-existent breasts, he now towers over me at 6'2". Skinny as the proverbial rail. And though his mind races and he constantly needs reminding to take it down a notch, he is the cuddlebug of them all. He likes to sit close and be touched. On the beach he was very attentive---Take my arm Grandma, I'll carry that for you Grandma, etc. What a love he is! How I wish he had some peace in that racing mind so that he could just sit back and relax and not always be in trouble. He just can't focus.

Brenden, 10. The strong, silent one. He watches and he listens. He is an outsider to a certain extent. He frets and worries about the little things. He likes to be left alone to play his computer games. At the same time, I see the closness between him and his brother Jason. I like to see them play together---they are connected in a quiet unspoken way that is endearing. On the beach the two of them built elaborate sculptures in the sand---hours went by. Each working on his own little sand world separately, yet together.

Kierra, 5. The reigning queen! At least in her eyes. Everyone kind of caters to her, except Brenden, who doesn't seem to recognize her superiority. They are constantly at war. She torments him, he lets it eat at him. If he would stop, she would stop and their would be peace---maybe not in this lifetime. Yes, she is adorable, she has a great sense of humor growing in that bossy little head of hers, and she is sure of herself. I like that she is strong in her opinion that she is Daddys little princess. And she talks. Boy, does she talk. About everything, anything, nothing. If only I could hook that energy up to the vacume cleaner!

And last, is Adam, 2. Still a babe. But a good babe. I only saw him throw the well-known Stevens fit, a couple of times. Most of the time he simply quietly dodged in and out and around all the big-kid legs around him, and watched. He has quiet a vocabulary for such a little one and has no trouble getting his point across. I was especially surprised to get a hug from him within the first hours of meeting him. No smile, no warmth, just a hug. HAHA! That's okay, at least he didn't run screaming from me.

Was I happy to see them go home? Surprisingly, no. I was happy for the quiet again. But almost as soon as they were gone, I felt the empty space around me. Ideally, they would all live down the street where I could see them and send them home at will. I admit my nerves can't take all the commotion. But I would like to be able to visit with them one on one, when they are not competing with each other or getting on each others nerves.

My biggest observation and realization? When do Kandi and Bobby get to shut the door and say "Whew", peace at last? Kandi on the beach is ever vigilant, all seeing. No one is out of her sight for a minute. She is up through the night and rarely sits during the day. She is doing laundry or feeding someone, or chasing someone. She doesn't coddle anyone and she doesn't let them just run loose. They are corrected for infractions and they know the rules. But when does she get a break? Not while she was here for sure.

I imagine when they are all home, Bobby takes some of the load, but until now I certainly didn't realize how big a load it is. There were kids everywhere! We were tripping all over them. Throw in a few house pets and you pretty much have endless chaos.

Maybe I'm just getting too old. I don't think I ever had the kind of stamina it must take to run that house. There should be hazard pay. I think everyone in the house, from A to Z (that's Adam to Zach as Kandi pointed out) should have to take a 3-hour nap everyday for Kandi and Bobby to recharge their batteries. Yeah, yeah, in a perfect world.

Yes, it was fun. Yes, I would do it again. It was great to be able to think of my grandkids as they are today instead of how they were 2 years ago. To see how much they have grown and changed. They are all unique and special. I couldn't help but keep looking back at when Bobby was young. So many reminders and it's amazing how each of these children, who never saw him at that age, can be so much like him. It just doesn't seem possible.