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September 01, 2008

forgiveness is a choice

Now you must understand: Forgiveness is a choice. It is not a feeling, but an act of the will. As Neil Anderson has written, “Don’t wait to forgive until you feel like forgiving; you will never get there. Feelings take time to heal after the choice to forgive is made.” We allow God to bring the hurt up from our past, for “if your forgiveness doesn’t visit the emotional core of your life, it will be incomplete.” We acknowledge that it hurt, that it mattered, and we choose to extend forgiveness to our father. This is not saying, “It didn’t really matter”; it is not saying, “I probably deserved part of it anyway.” Forgiveness says, “It was wrong, it mattered, and I release you.”

~ John Eldredge, Wild at Heart

August 30, 2008

the problem with steel

To do for yourself the best that you have it in you to do—to grit your teeth and clench your fists in order to survive the world at its harshest and worst—is, by that very act, to be unable to let something be done for you and in you that is more wonderful still. The trouble with steeling yourself against the harshness of reality is that the same steel that secures your life against being destroyed secures your life also against being opened up and transformed.

~ Frederick Buechner, The Sacred Journey: A Memoir of Early Days

July 02, 2008

worry not

I've been doing some more or less random readings around different topics in the Bible lately. Since I am in a hotel, the Gideon Bible is handy. In the front is a list of topics to choose from if you are looking for something specific. I browsed the list and settled on "Prevailing Prayer" to which it referred me to Matthew 6:5-15. I always prefer to read the whole chapter to get a better context, so I did. I like the general theme that you should do what is right because it is the right thing to do and not because you expect some external reward from those around you. However, the very last verse jumped out at me tonight:

"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own troubles." (v. 34)

Do not worry about tomorrow. Hmmm. Seems like there is plenty on my plate currently to worry about but perhaps I should just focus on today, do what I can, try to live my life in a pleasing manner, and worry not about tomorrow. I think this is a conversation with God I need to have.

June 28, 2008

worst of all possible reactions

“The heart,” Blaise Pascal said, “has its reasons which reason knows nothing of.” Something in us longs, hopes, maybe even at times believes that this is not the way things were supposed to be. Our desire fights the assault of death upon life. And so people with terminal illnesses get married. Prisoners in a concentration camp plant flowers. Lovers long divorced still reach out in the night to embrace one who is no longer there. It’s like the phantom pain experienced by those who have lost a limb. Feelings still emanate from that region where once was a crucial part of them. Our hearts know a similar reality. At some deep level, we refuse to accept the fact that this is the way things are, or must be, or always will be.

Simone Weil was right; there are only two things that pierce the human heart: beauty and affliction. Moments we wish would last forever and moments we wish had never begun. The playwright Christopher Fry wrote,

The inescapable dramatic situation for us all is that we have no idea what our situation is. We may be mortal. What then? We may be immortal. What then? We are plunged into an existence fantastic to the point of nightmare, and however hard we rationalize, or however firm our religious faith, however closely we dog the heels of science or wheel among the starts of mysticism, we can not really make head or tail of it. (“A Playwright Speaks: How Lost, How Amazed, How Miraculous We Are”)

And what does Fry say we do with our dilemma? The worst of all possible reactions:

We get used to it. We get broken into it so gradually we scarcely notice it.

~ John Eldredge, (The Journey of Desire (p. 8-9)

June 06, 2008

There Is No Escaping This War

"Remember, when Jesus boiled his whole mission down to healing the brokenhearted and setting prisoners free from darkness, he was referring to all of us. Our modern, scientific, Enlightenment worldview has simply removed spiritual warfare as a practical category, and so it shouldn’t surprise us that we can’t see spiritual strongholds after we say they don’t really exist.

If you deny the battle raging against your heart, well, then, the thief just gets to steal and kill and destroy. Some friends of mine started a Christian school together a few years ago. It had been their shared dream for nearly all their adult lives. After years of praying and talking and dreaming, it finally happened. Then the assault came . . . but they would not see it as such. It was “hassles” and “misunderstanding” at first. As it grew worse, it became a rift between them. A mutual friend warned them of the warfare, urged them to fight it as such. “No,” they insisted, “this is about us. We just don’t see eye-to-eye.” I’m sorry to say their school shut its doors a few months ago, and the two aren’t speaking to each other. Because they refused to fight it for the warfare it was, they got taken out. I could tell you many, many stories like that.

There is no war is the subtle—but pervasive—lie sown by an Enemy so familiar to us we don’t even see him. For too long he has infiltrated the ranks of the church, and we haven’t even recognized him. "

~ John Eldredge, Waking the Dead: The Glory of a Heart Fully Alive

June 02, 2008

preach Christ

"Some indeed preach Christ even from envy and strife, and some also from goodwill. The former preach Christ from selfish ambition, not sincerely, supposing to add affliction to my chains, but the latter out of love, knowing that I am appointed for the defense of the gospel."

~ Paul to the Philippeans (1:15-16)

be not deceived

There exist people in this world who, under the guise of righteousness, are put here to deceive, beguile, and harass us in the service of the Adversary. All too often they themselves have been deceived, so that they truly believe what they are doing is the "right" thing, the "Christian" thing. I recall being told by a bishop once that the Adversary can mimic all sorts of feelings and emotions, can set the stage for all sorts of actions, but the one thing he cannot create is peace. Peace in the heart. Peace in the mind. Peace in your actions towards your fellow men (and women). I believe that Satan often hides his inability to create peace in your life behind thoughts like "it's in the best interest of ... " or "I have a right to... ". Anger, indignation, hatred, jealousy, judgment, fear, entitlement, and disrespect are all weapons in the arsenal that Satan is all too willing to make available to those that succumb to the temptation, and unfortunately those who have been overtaken are often the least able to be aware of what has happened (although they are usually the first to point a finger elsewhere).

It would seem that the metric for determining what side of the battle you are on is made clear. In the words of Paul:

Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God. And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things. Those things, which ye have both learned, and received, and heard, and seen in me, do: and the God of peace shall be with you. (Philippians 4: 6-9).
Only God can "keep your heart and mind" and truly know the motivations that drive people to do what they do. He knows who truly seeks peace in His service and who has been beguiled into the service of the Enemy. As time goes by, it becomes obvious that we are indeed players in an epic battle between good and evil, that this world and those that live in it are under constant assault. The closer I get to God, the more I strive to live in a way that is pleasing to Him, the more determined the Adversary is to bring all of the forces at his command to stand in the way. He can throw whatever (and whomever) he wants into my path, but he cannot take away the peace that I seek as long as I am aware of what is going on and turn my heart toward God. That isn't always easy, it isn't always a perfect journey, but it is the only way.

May 08, 2008

the function of prayer

“The function of prayer is not to influence God, but rather to change the nature of the one who prays.”

~ Soren Kierkegaard

May 07, 2008

love is...

"Love is patient and kind.
Love is not jealous,
   it does not brag,
     and it is not proud.

Love is not rude,
   is not selfish,
     and does not get upset with others.

Love does not count up wrongs
   that have been done.

Love takes no pleasure in evil
   but rejoices over the truth.

Love patiently accepts all things,
   it always trusts,
     always hopes,
   and always endures.

~ I Corinthians 13: 4-7

May 06, 2008

Releasing the Heart

Catching up on Ransomed Heart newsletters and pulling out stuff I want to remember...

We’re told to “trust in the LORD” with all our hearts (Prov. 3:5), but frankly, we find it hard to do. Does trust come easily for you? I would love to trust God wholeheartedly. Why is it almost second nature to worry about things? We’re told to love one another deeply, “from the heart” (1 Peter 1:22), but that’s even more rare. Why is it so easy to get angry at, or to resent, or simply to grow indifferent toward the very people we once loved? The answers lie down in the heart. “For it is with your heart that you believe,” Paul says (Rom. 10:10). And in Proverbs we read, “The heart of a man is like deep water, but a man of understanding draws it out” (20:5 NASB). Our deepest convictions—the ones that really shape our lives—they are down there somewhere in the depths of our hearts.

~ John Eldredge, Waking the Dead: The Glory of a Heart Fully Alive

Missing the Most Important Thing

"We take folks through a discipleship program whereby they master any number of Christian precepts and miss the most important thing of all, the very thing for which we were created: intimacy with God. There are, after all, those troubling words Jesus spoke to those who were doing all the “right” things: “Then I will tell them plainly, ‘I never knew you’” (Matt. 7:23). Knowing God. That’s the point.

You might recall the old proverb: “Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day; teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime.” The same holds true here. Teach a man a rule and you help him solve a problem; teach a man to walk with God and you help him solve the rest of his life. Truth be told, you couldn’t master enough principles to see yourself safely through this Story. There are too many surprises, ambiguities, exceptions to the rule. Things are hard at work—is it time to make a move? What has God called you to do with your life? Things are hard at home—is this just a phase your son is going through, or should you be more concerned? You can’t seem to shake this depression—is it medical or something darker? What does the future hold for you—and how should you respond?

Only by walking with God can we hope to find the path that leads to life. That is what it means to be a disciple. After all—aren’t we “followers of Christ”? Then by all means, let’s actually follow him. Not ideas about him. Not just his principles. Him.

~ John Eldredge, Waking the Dead: The Glory of a Heart Fully Alive

April 29, 2008

much to think about

There is much to think about at the moment, much that requires deep and introspective contemplation. A humble spirit will be required and an honest desire to seek and learn the truth. Will I be able to quiet the world around me long enough to gain the insights I am looking for?

March 31, 2008

life is like a railroad track

This came in my email just now. I usually check for authenticity before passing along, but I didn't have time. Regardless, it shares some profound insights into life, living, and a relationship with God. Thanks Carol, for sharing!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You will enjoy the new insights that Rick Warren has, with his wife now having cancer and him having ‘wealth’ from the book sales. This is an absolutely incredible short interview with Rick Warren,

‘Purpose Driven Life ‘ author and pastor of Saddleback Church in California

In the interview by Paul Bradshaw with Rick Warren, Rick said:

People ask me, What is the purpose of life? And I respond: In a nutshell, life is preparation for eternity. We were made to last forever, and God wants us to be with Him in Heaven.

One day my heart is going to stop, and that will be the end of my body–but not the end of me.

I may live 60 to 100 years on earth, but I am going to spend trillions of years in eternity. This is the warm-up act - the dress rehearsal. God wants us to practice on earth what we will do forever in eternity.

Continue reading "life is like a railroad track" »

March 23, 2008

Unseen, Unsought, and Uncertain

I know exactly how this feels... what they are talking about here. At what point can you be content in the knowledge that you are trying hard enough, doing all that you can do?


"I know I am not alone in this nagging sense of failing to measure up, a feeling of not being good enough as a woman. Every woman I’ve ever met feels it—something deeper than just the sense of failing at what she does. An underlying, gut feeling of failing at who she is. I am not enough, and I am too much at the same time. Not pretty enough, not thin enough, not kind enough, not gracious enough, not disciplined enough. But too emotional, too needy, too sensitive, too strong, too opinionated, too messy. The result is Shame, the universal companion of women. It haunts us, nipping at our heels, feeding on our deepest fear that we will end up abandoned and alone.

After all, if we were better women—whatever that means—life wouldn’t be so hard. Right? We wouldn’t have so many struggles; there would be less sorrow in our hearts. Why is it so hard to create meaningful friendships and sustain them? Why do our days seem so unimportant, filled not with romance and adventure but with duties and demands? We feel unseen, even by those who are closest to us. We feel unsought—that no one has the passion or the courage to pursue us, to get past our messiness to find the woman deep inside. And we feel uncertain—uncertain what it even means to be a woman; uncertain what it truly means to be feminine; uncertain if we are or ever will be.

Aware of our deep failings, we pour contempt on our own hearts for wanting more. Oh, we long for intimacy and for adventure; we long to be the Beauty of some great story. But the desires set deep in our hearts seem like a luxury, granted only to those women who get their acts together. The message to the rest of us—whether from a driven culture or a driven church—is: Try harder."

~ John & Stasi Eldredge, Captivating: Unveiling the Mystery of a Woman's Soul

March 21, 2008

live by the spirit

Live by the Spirit, I say, and do not gratify the desires of the flesh. For what the flesh desires is opposed to the Spirit, and what the Spirit desires is opposed to the flesh; for these are opposite to each other, to prevent you from doing what you want. But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not subject to the law. Now the works of the flesh are obvious: fornication, impurity, licentiousness, idolatry, sorcery, enmities, strife, jealousy, anger, quarrels, dissensions, factions, envy, drunkenness, carousing, and things like these. I am warning you, as I warned you before those who do such things will not inherit the kingdom of God.

By contrast, the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, generosity, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. There is no law against such things. And those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. If we live by the Spirit, let us also be guided by the Spirit. Let us not become conceited, competing against one another, envying one another.

Galatians 5:16-22 (NRSV)

I think when you feel the works of the flesh upon you, you should be aware of what is happening... he who would lead us away from God is hard at work doing what he does best... driving a wedge between people. I would like to think that in the overall balance of things, my scales tip toward the fruit of the Spirit, although I have most certainly had occasions when the opposite was true. Overall, however, I do my best to embody those things that Paul spoke of here: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, generosity, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. I suppose it is for others, and God, to judge how well I have fulfilled that charge.

March 19, 2008

Fallen Eve vs Redeemed Eve

"For a woman to enjoy relationship, she must repent of her need to control and her insistence that people fill her. Fallen Eve demands that people “come through” for her. Redeemed Eve is being met in the depths of her soul by Christ and is free to offer to others, free to desire, and willing to be disappointed. Fallen Eve has been wounded by others and withdraws in order to protect herself from further harm. Redeemed Eve knows that she has something of value to offer; that she is made for relationship. Therefore, being safe and secure in her relationship with her Lord, she can risk being vulnerable with others and offer her true self.

To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket—safe, dark, motionless, airless—it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable . . . The only place outside Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers . . . of love is Hell. (C. S. Lewis, The Four Loves)"

~ John & Stasi Eldredge, Captivating: Unveiling the Mystery of a Woman's Soul

March 14, 2008

wisdom and patience

The Bible says, "A man's wisdom gives him patience; it is his glory to overlook an offense." Patience comes from wisdom, and wisdom comes from hearing the perspective of others. Listening says, "I value your opinion, I care about our relationship, and you matter to me." The cliche' is true: People don't care what we know until they know we care.

~ Rick Warren, The Purpose Driven Life (day 20)

February 28, 2008

waste not your sorrows

"One of God's main purposes in ordaining marriage and the home is not primarily for pleasure, as is ordinarily supposed, but to decentralize the self, to teach agape love. The stresses of marriage and the home are designed to produce brokenness, to wean one from self centeredness, and to produce the graces of sacrificial love and gentleness. Because so few people understand the nature and purpose of marriage, when unexpected stresses and strains develop they are tempted to feel they have made a mistake and perhaps have married the wrong person……If the couple can comprehend that neither life nor marriage is made primarily for pleasure, but for learning sacrificial love, they may not waste their sorrows.

~ Paul Billheimer, Don't Waste Your Sorrows

February 23, 2008

desire and devotion

"I thought of the last story we have from the life of the prophet Elisha. Jehoash was king of Israel at the time, and he went to visit Elisha on his sickbed. He knew that without the help of this great prophet, the future of Israel was looking dim. Enemies were closing in on every side, waiting for the kill. Elisha told the king to take in hand some arrows.

And the king took them. Elisha told him, “Strike the ground.” He struck it three times and stopped. The man of God was angry with him and said, “You should have struck the ground five or six times; then you would have defeated [your enemies] completely . . . But now you will defeat [them] only three times.” Elisha died and was buried. (2 Kings 13:18–20)

That’s it? What a strange story! Why was the old prophet so angry? Because the king was nonchalant; he was passionless, indifferent. He gave the ground a whack or two. His heart wasn’t in it. God says, in effect, “If that is how little you care about the future of your people, that is all the help you will get.” In other words, if your heart’s not in it, well then, neither is mine. You can’t lead a country, let alone flourish in a marriage, with an attitude like that. To abandon desire is to say, “I don’t really need you; I don’t really want you. But I will live with you because, well, I’m supposed to.” It is a grotesque corruption of what was meant to be a beautiful dance between desire and devotion."


~ John Eldredge, (The Journey of Desire (p. 56–57)

February 19, 2008

peacemakers

Hard time going to sleep so I decided to read. Picked up the book by my bed and came across this:

"Paul wrote, 'If you've gotten anything at all out of following Christ, if his love has made any difference in your life, if being in a community of the Spirit means anything to you, ... Agree with each other, love each other, be deep-spirited friends.' (Philippians 2:1-2 Paul taught that our ability to get along with others is a mark of spiritual maturity...

If you want God's blessing on your life, and you want to be known as a child of God, you must learn to be a peacemaker. Jesus said, 'God blesses those who work for peace, for they will be called the children of God' (Matthew 5:9). Notice Jesus didn't say 'Blessed are the peace lovers.' because everyone loves peace. Neither did he say 'Blessed are the peaceable' who are never disturbed by anything. Jesus said, 'Blessed are those who work for peace' - those who actively seek to resolve conflict. Peacemakers are rare because peacemaking is hard work...

Continue reading "peacemakers" »

February 15, 2008

motion

I was pushing a shopping cart through Costco in Bakersfield tonight, talking on the phone, having just dropped off the kids with their father and his girlfriend, when an almost overwhelming sense of motion came over me. Not in the sense of being physically dizzy; more like the sensation of a life constantly in motion, a mind constantly engaged, an existence constantly connected to others. I had to get off the phone and just think about it for a minute. It's not just about alone time. I get that at home once in a while. I get that in the car for extended periods fairly often. It's about quiet time. Time not in motion. Time to recharge and reflect without any demands pulling at me, consciously or subconsciously. About the closest I get to that now is when we occasionally meet for lunch, in the park, in the car, someplace, anyplace, and time simultaneously slows to a crawl but goes by too quickly. Everything else gets put on hold and I don't worry about what should be or what isn't... I just focus on the moment. I think what hit me tonight was something like a memo from God reminding me that to hear his still, small voice, I must be quiet. I must work in time alone where my mind and my soul can speak to Him and hear what He has to say. That probably means going up into the mountains somewhere for a few hours on a regular basis to read scripture, to ponder, to pray, to write... to think. Exactly how that is going to happen remains to be seen.

February 13, 2008

impact

"You can tell what kind of man you’ve got simply by noting the impact he has on you."

~ John Eldredge, Wild at Heart

February 06, 2008

fellowship

"It is only as we become more open about our lives that we experience real fellowship. The Bible says, 'If we live in the light, we can share fellowship with each other... If we say we have no sin, we are fooling ourselves.' The world thinks intimacy occurs in the dark, but God says it happens in the light. Darkness is used to hide our hurts, faults, fears, failures, and flaws. But in the light, we bring them all out into the open and admit who we really are.

Of course, being authentic requires both courage and humility. It means facing our fear of exposure, rejection, and being hurt again. Why would anyone take such a risk? Because it is the only way to grow spiritually and be emotionally healthy. The Bible says 'Make this your common practice: Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you can live together whole and healed.' We only grow by taking risks, and the most difficult risk of all is to be honest with ourselves and with others."

~ Rick Warren, The Purpose Driven Life

February 01, 2008

getting personal

A student of mine has been posting very interesting discussions about her Catholic faith on MySpace lately. Yesterday she sent out a message that I decided to respond to.



Ok, so I've had your message opened and highlighted since yesterday morning, just waiting until I had a spare minute to respond :) I appreciate your well thought out arguments and applaud you for taking on such a deeply personal subject in such a public forum. That takes a lot of courage and I think it is awesome. I am always interested in intelligent discussion about religion so I find your posts very interesting :)

So, you wrote:

"but whether we are Catholic, Protestant, Jewish, Muslim, etc, we always rely on some authority to determine what we believe the truth to be, and we follow the thinking of that authority."
I respectfully disagree. I believe that a relationship with God should be a deeply intimate and personal one. I believe that while it is important to learn from those in authority, what is more important is the concept of "intelligent obedience". God designed us to be thinking, reflective creatures. He doesn't want us to just blindly obey, hence the doctrine of free agency. He could MAKE us do what He wants... but he prefers that we come to Him of our own volition.

I believe that "truth" can be a very subjective thing and that it is often used to advance personal and political agendas in the name of righteousness. God isn't interested in either of those. He is interested that we know him personally, for ourselves. We can know what is truth by asking God directly. While we can respect what those in authority say, we don't have to accept it without a critical analysis of our own. "Following the thinking" of someone in a position of power (or of anyone really) abdicates the responsibility to think for yourself to other people. In the end, your beliefs then belong to someone else. It is a much more powerful testimony of beliefs to have come to your own conclusions about what you think is important. That may confirm or conflict with what you thought you knew, and that is ok. In the end, the relationship is between you and God and there really aren't any intermediaries needed.

Religion is merely a set of rituals designed by men to help them feel closer to God. Never confuse that with spirituality, which is a direct relationship with God Himself :)

{{hugs}}

Debby

January 12, 2008

loss of heart

"In the end, it doesn’t matter how well we have performed or what we have accomplished—a life without heart is not worth living. For out of this wellspring of our soul flow all true caring and all meaningful work, all real worship and all sacrifice. Our faith, hope, and love issue from this fount, as well. Because it is in our heart that we first hear the voice of God and it is in the heart that we come to know him and learn to live in his love.

So you can see that to lose heart is to lose everything. And a “loss of heart” best describes most men and women in our day. It isn’t just the addictions and affairs and depression and heartaches, though, God knows, there are enough of these to cause even the best of us to lose heart. But there is the busyness, the drivenness, the fact that most of us are living merely to survive. Beneath it we feel restless, weary, and vulnerable.

Indeed, the many forces driving modern life have not only assaulted the life of our heart, they have also dismantled the heart’s habitat—that geography of mystery and transcendence we knew so well as children.

All of us have had that experience at one time or another, whether it be as we walked away from our teachers, our parents, a church service, or sexual intimacy; the sense that something important, perhaps the only thing important, had been explained away or tarnished and lost to us forever. Sometimes little by little, sometimes in large chunks, life has appropriated the terrain meant to sustain and nourish the wilder life of the heart, forcing it to retreat as an endangered species into smaller, more secluded, and often darker geographies for its survival. As this has happened, something has been lost, something vital."

~ Brent Curtis and John Eldredge, The Sacred Romance: Drawing Closer to the Heart of God

January 09, 2008

time

"Knowing that one day you will stand before God, here are some questions you need to consider: How will you explain those times when projects or things were more important to you than people? Who do you need to start spending more time with? What do you need to cut out of your schedule to make that possible? What sacrifices do you need to make?"

The best use of life is love. The best expression of love is time. The best time to love is now."

~ Rick Warren, The Purpose Driven Life, p. 128

relationships

"Relationships, not achievements or the acquisition of things, are what matters most in life. So why do we allow our relationships to get the short end of the stick? When our schedules become overloaded, we start skimming relationally, cutting back on giving time, energy, and attention that loving relationships require. What's most important to God is displaced by what is urgent.

Busyness is a great enemy of relationships. We become preoccupied with making a living, doing our work, paying bills, and accomplishing goals as if these tasks are the point of life. They are not. The point of life is learning to love - God and people. Life minus love equals zero."

~ Rick Warren, The Purpose Driven Life, p. 125

January 04, 2008

the temple

A temple of God
A place of worship
A sacred covenant
A hope for salvation
A promise of eternity
A perception of perfection
A picture of families forever
There is a lot wrapped up in the mental image of a temple... a lot of emotions, expectations and reflections. When you are LDS, pretty much everything revolves around preparing to enter a temple of the Lord and participate in the ordinances and teachings that are only available to those that have proven themselves worthy. It is the goal of every faithful member to be sealed to their spouse for time and all eternity in the temple, to have children born in the covenant, and to help further the salvation of ancestors through continued temple work. Sunday school lessons, sacrament meeting talks, missionary discussions... all extoll the value and spiritual blessings that come from faithful temple attendance.

This song keeps playing through my mind...

I Love to See the Temple (LDS Music)(ASL version)
Children’s Songbook, The Gospel, I Love to See the Temple, 95

I love to see the temple.
I’m going there someday
To feel the Holy Spirit,
To listen and to pray.
For the temple is a house of God,
A place of love and beauty.
I’ll prepare myself while I am young;
This is my sacred duty.

I love to see the temple.
I’ll go inside someday.
I’ll cov’nant with my Father;
I’ll promise to obey.
For the temple is a holy place
Where we are sealed together.
As a child of God, I’ve learned this truth:
A fam’ly is forever.

Continue reading "the temple" »

January 03, 2008

churches

I was going to write up two different entries, but I think it might all fit into one, so I'll give it a shot. Today, something came in the mail that I sort of expected to show up eventually, given the rumors I've been hearing about my ex wanting to get remarried. You see, because we were sealed for time and all eternity (according to the practices of our church), getting remarried requires jumping through a few hoops, if one wishes to do it by the book again. For me, as a woman, I would have to get a special "temple divorce" approved of by Salt Lake to get sealed again. For him, he just has to have the ok of his local stake president. Today's letter came from his bishop informing me that he was seeking a "sealing clearance" that would permit him to be sealed to another woman (but not canceling my sealing him). The bishop wanted to know my "feelings about this action and if Kurt is current in his financial obligations to you and your children." Oh where to even start? How about the two and a half years of child support he didn't pay among other things? How about the incident of encouraging our daughter to lie to me for months last year when he decided to let her fly to Minnesota to meet her internet boyfriend? Should I let him know about all of the evil things that I've been accused of, of the times he has refused to communicate, of his efforts to turn my children away from me, even recently? But then, what is the point? Regardless of what I say, it'll all go through anyhow because they aren't really interested in facts or my opinions. I've gone through all of this before, when I really cared about what the church thought, and made the silly assumption that documented facts would actually count for something. This is just a formality they have to go through, a box that needs to be checked off, so they can feel good that all is right with their limited vision of the world.

A few weeks ago I had the opportunity to attend a church of a different denomination. I'm glad that we went because it gave me an insight into the upbringing of someone I love. I liked sharing time with family and I liked the inside view I got of something I've been learning about recently. For the most part, the rituals were the same as the ones I'd grown accustomed to in the LDS church. Same singing. Same sermons. Same prayers. Even the people looked the same. There were a few differences, namely in the paid vs lay ministry and how tithing was collected (although passing the plate is something most mainstream churches do anyhow). There were a few things that made me extremely uncomfortable (sending the children out with baskets to collect even more money after the collection plates were passed). When the service was over, people lingered in the foyer greeting each other, chatting about this and that, smiling and welcoming the guests. Same stuff everywhere, I guess. I had mixed feelings as we left. I miss the sense of community, the belonging to a group that shares a common set of beliefs. I miss having friends to share a spiritual journey with. I do not miss, however, the hypocrisy that religion encourages, such as letting someone who is clearly not worthy hold spiritual authority because people are more interested that the correct boxes are checked off in public, never mind what is done in private. I am not naive enough to believe that one church has a corner on the market when it come to righteousness and piety... or hypocrisy and guile. Is there any wonder I don't show up anymore?

December 02, 2007

A View from Space (or Heaven!)

The talk by Col. Rick Searfoss, three time NASA Space Shuttle pilot/commander, spoke at the college Friday night. His humor, comments on leadership, and observations from his years of experience made for a very interesting talk. One thing really jumped out at me though. He showed a picture similar to this one:

Middle East

and commented on how from space, you could see no political boundaries and how he thought while passing over this area that the people in the region below had created quite a mess. He said how wonderful it would be if we could

"break down all the self-imposed walls and barriers and see ourselves as it looks from space."
Self-imposed barriers and walls stop a lot of people from seeing the bigger picture, from seeing how things are from the outside looking in. Perhaps it would be useful if we all learned how to step back away from the issues that seem to overwhelm our lives and keep in mind what is really going on here. So many people (myself included at times) get caught up in the drama of daily life. What if we could focus on forever, instead? Would that change how we look at things? How we interact with other people?

Continue reading "A View from Space (or Heaven!)" »

November 19, 2007

from: x-logic and growing up adventist

there is something very familiar and reassuring about believing that one has the truth in a box beside the bed. devout followers of a consistent religion have a peaceful ignorance to the inadequacies of their religion. there is generally a feeling of security and continuity that we seek from religion. it leads us to follow without questions. over time we begin to feel that all is right and that in the end we will be taken to a better place--nervana, valhalla, heaven... we just have to live out our lives according to the prescribed rituals of our religion. thus religions create communities of happy people who go about their rituals in blissful ignorance of the world around them.

unfortunately we live in a world which seems constantly bent on taking away our faith in God or anything better than here. the person of religion blames the inconsistency on someone or something else and continues on in blissful ignorance that something is intensely, genuinely wrong! to those not associated with the religion, the religious explanations may hold some perverse sense, but usually the pain of life isn't washed away by the explanations.

yet...

life needs hope.

people need hope.

Jesus offers hope.

~ from Steve's blog

May You Play Your Part Well

We are now far into this Epic that every great story points to. We have reached the moment where we, too, must find our courage and rise up to recover our hearts and fight for the hearts of others. The hour is late, and much time has been wasted. Aslan is on the move; we must rally to him at the stone table. We must find Geppetto lost at sea. We must ride hard, ride to Minas Tirith and join the last great battle for Middle Earth.

Jesus calls to you to be his intimate ally once more. There are great things to be done and great sacrifices to be made. You won’t lose heart if you know what’s really going on here, where this Story is headed and what your Lover has promised to you.

It is a world of magic and mystery, of deep darkness and flickering starlight. It is a world where terrible things happen and wonderful things too. It is a world where goodness is pitted against evil, love against hate, order against chaos, in a great struggle where often it is hard to be sure who belongs to which side because appearances are endlessly deceptive. Yet for all its confusion and wildness, it is a world where the battle goes ultimately to the good, who live happily ever after, and where in the long run everybody, good and evil alike, becomes known by his true name . . . That is the fairy tale of the Gospel with, of course, one crucial difference from all other fairy tales, which is that the claim made for it is that it is true, that it not only happened once upon a time but has kept on happening ever since and is happening still. (Telling the Truth)

This is the gospel.

This is the Story we are living in.

May you play your part well.

~ John Eldredge, Epic: The Story God is Telling

November 05, 2007

be here

"John and I were at a newcomers' dessert-type thing, a get-acquainted deal where, as part of our introductions to each other, we were to share what our family motto was. In our little group was an older couple we had been drawn to. The gentleman had a twinkle in his eye, a spark, as if he had discovered the secret to life and it brought him much joy. His wife was a tiny woman who I can best describe as being very present. She was not a woman hiding, nor a woman afraid. She was a woman at rest, at home with herself and with all pistons firing. She was alive and beautiful.

The gentleman looked to his wife and asked, "Do we have a family motto?" She answered, "Well, it's been on our refrigerator for the past thirty years." He asked, "What? Amana?". After some laughter, this is what she shared. This is what she lived by. This is what she invited others into.

"Now we should live when the pulse of life is strong. Life is a tenuous thing... fragile, fleeting. Don't wait for tomorrow. Be here now! Be here now! Be here now!"
Be here now.

~ John & Stasi Eldredge, Captivating: Unveiling the Mystery of a Woman's Soul

November 01, 2007

What is Written on Your Heart?

"The invitations of Jesus come to us in many ways. Sometimes they come through a circumstance, an opportunity that opens before us. Sometimes they come through other people who see something in us that we may not yet see, and they invite us to step forth in some way. But God's invitations ultimately are matters of the heart. They come through our passions, those desires set deep within us. What is it you yearn to see happen -- how do you long for the world to be a better place? What makes you so angry you nearly see red? What brings you to tears?

You will find that as God restores your heart and sets you free, you will recover long-lost passions, long-forsaken dreams. You'll find yourself drawn to some vision for making the world a better place. Those emerging desires are invitations -- not to rush out and attempt them immediately. That is also naive. They are invitations to bring your heart to your Lover and ask him to clarify, to deepen, to speak to you about how and with whom. We love Frederick Buechner's description when he writes, 'The place that God calls us is that place where the world's deep hunger and our deep desire meet.'"

~ John & Stasi Eldredge, Captivating: Unveiling the Mystery of a Woman's Soul

October 30, 2007

spiritual assault

For about two weeks now, I've had this prevailing gloomy feeling that I just haven't been able to shake. I'm sure it started with the chaos at work created by someone else and was just compounded by several major events filled with negative energy directed my way, including some physical problems that are just wearing me down. Toss in some big changes in living spaces and an insane pace of life in general and there hasn't been much time to think about any of it, just to plow through it. Home seems to have been an extension of the chaos at work, so I've been finding myself becoming engulfed in negative thoughts and feelings, with no place to go to unwind from it all. When that happens, I tend to want to hole up until the feelings pass so that the negative stuff inside doesn't spill out on the people outside. Always easier said than done.

For some reason last night, something I read the other day clicked into place. It was talking about a spiritual assault, about that being one of the ways that a wedge is driven into relationships, with partners, with children, with friends, and even with God himself. That phrase... spiritual assault... is exactly what it has felt like. Seems like stuff has been coming at me nonstop from all directions lately, to the point where I am almost numb. So... now that I think I know what is happening... I just need to figure out what to do about it.

October 21, 2007

the ride

I've been trying to think of how to describe a new experience I had yesterday, but the words are not coming easily. I went on my maiden voyage on a motorcycle yesterday. We had no kids, a lazy morning, and then Steve decided he wanted to take me for a ride. I was nervous at the idea because I had never been before. I suited up in full biker chick regalia, leather chaps, leather jacket, boots, and helmet and climbed on, ready to hang on tightly for the ride. We headed up to Kennedy Meadows and I relaxed into the experience, letting myself move easily with the curves in the road, swaying back and forth as he gracefully made his way up the mountain. I could see the reflection of the view in his helmet, the road behind us in the mirror, and the beautiful scenery of the Sequoia National Forest up ahead. I sat close, held tight, and lost myself in the motion, sometimes closing my eyes as we went into a curve, not out of fear, but to heighten my other senses and feel my way through the turn. It was almost like a dance, moving closely together, with the music of the world around us playing softly in the background. He found a place to stop and we walked out onto the mountain, sitting on the top of the world overlooking the canyons and hilltops below. For a time, it was just he and I... no worries, no responsibilities, no one but the two of us and the beauty around us and God. After a time, the sun began slowly setting in the west and a cool breeze gently reminded us that it would soon be wise to head home. As always, never enough time, but as always, time that was cherished and well spent.
Kennedy Meadows

October 20, 2007

women warriors

"Women warriors are strong, yes, and they are also tender. There is a mercy in them. There is a vulnerability. In fact, offering a tender vulnerability can only be done by an incredibly strong woman, a woman rooted in Christ Jesus who knows whose she is and therefore knows who she is. Offering our hearts wisely, living in the freedom of God's love, inviting others to rest, alluring those in our lives to the heart of God, and responding to the heart of God in worship are some of the most powerful ways a woman wars for her world. But she also puts on the full armor of God daily and takes her immovable stand against the powers of darkness."

~ John & Stasi Eldredge, Captivating: Unveiling the Mystery of a Woman's Soul

October 04, 2007

a heart at rest

Beauty flows from a heart at rest...

You see, beauty dwells in every woman... Like a shy doe, it reveals itself for a moment, then fades back into cover. Usually it comes when she doesn't know it, when she isn't trying to make it come. Rather, something is happening that allows her defenses to come down for a moment. For instance, when someone is lstening. She knows that she matters. Someone cares about her heart, wants to know her. Her beauty emerges as if from behind a veil.

So the choice a woman makes is not to conjure beauty, but to let her defenses down. To choose to set aside her normal means of survival and just let her heart show up. Beauty comes with it.

"Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit." (1 Peter 3:3-4)

~ John & Stasi Eldredge, Captivating: Unveiling the Mystery of a Woman's Soul

October 02, 2007

it's time

"For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven." ~ Ecclesiastes 3

There is a time and a place for everything, or so the saying goes. I guess I actually do believe that. There's most definitely been different seasons in my life, times where I was being prepared to learn certain lessons, meet certain people, have certain experiences, all steps in a forward journey, the destination of which hasn't always been clear. If I follow one thread, the one that leads to God, I can look back on my experiences and see how my thoughts have progressed through a variety of events that have all prepared me for where am now. In educational theory parlance, you could say I have been scaffolding, building upon what I knew (or thought I knew) to move up a level in thinking.

I began in a family where God didn't exist, except for an occasional Sunday at the corner Little White Chapel with friends or a Sabbath meeting at the synagogue with my Grandfather. I did notice the ceremonies, the wonderful rhythm of the cantor as he read the scriptures in that melodic tone they use. I remember some of the songs (Jesus Loves Me This I Know) and stories of Easter and Christmas. I remember going through my "feminist" stage as a teenager, where women can do it all (which, in retrospect, I know to be true... just not ALL at once or ALL alone!). If someone would have asked me then about God, I would have said that I didn't really believe in him, which by definition would have made me an atheist. I believed in science, in facts, and God was a fuzzy concept that didn't have any "proof", at least in my limited experience with Him. If you can't see it, it doesn't exist, right?

Continue reading "it's time" »

September 29, 2007

Thank you for the harvest moon tonight

"What were the things that romanced your heart as a girl? Was it horses in the field? Was it the fragrance of air after a summer rain? Was it a favorite book like The Secret Garden? The first snowfall of winter? Those were all whispers from your Lover, notes sent to awaken your heart's longing. And as we journey into a true intimacy with God as women, he often brings those things back into our lives, to remind us he was there, to heal and restore things that were lost or stolen."

~ John & Stasi Eldredge, Captivating: Unveiling the Mystery of a Woman's Soul, pp. 115-16

September 01, 2007

are you willing?

So let me ask—are you willing to let go of your insistence to control, meaning, to allow for a life that exists beyond the realm of analysis, to let some portions of your life be impractical, to cease evaluating all things based on their utility and function? Coming closer to the heart, are you willing to let passion rise in you, though undoubtedly it may unnerve you? To permit the healing of some of your deepest wounds? To let yourself be run through as with a rapier by Beauty itself? Are you willing, at some level, to be undone?

Then we may proceed.

To enter into the Romance we must slow down, or we will miss the wooing. Turn off the news and put on some music. Take a walk. Take up painting, or writing or reading poetry. Better still, what was it that stirred your heart over the years? Go and get it back.

~ John Eldredge: The Way of the Wild Heart

August 16, 2007

strength in action

"For Adam is captured best in motion, doing something. His essence is strength in action. That is what he speaks to the world. He bears the image of God, who is a warrior. On behalf of God, Adam says, 'God will come through. God is on the move.' That is why a passive man is so disturbing. His passivity defies his very essence. It violates the way he bears God's image. A passive man says, 'God will not come through. He is not acting on your behalf.'"

~ John & Stasi Eldredge, Captivating: Unveiling the Mystery of a Woman's Soul

August 08, 2007

the heart of a woman

"A woman in the presence of a good man, a real man, loves being a woman. His strength allows her feminine heart to flourish. His pursuit draws out her beauty. And a man in the presence of a real woman loves being a man. Her beauty arouses him to play the man, it draws out his strength. She inspires him to be a hero. "

~ John & Stasi Eldredge, Captivating: Unveiling the Mystery of a Woman's Soul

August 04, 2007

it means community

Church is not a building. Church is not an event that takes place on Sundays. I know, it's how we've come to think of it. "I go to First Baptist." "We are members of Saint Luke's." "Is it time to go to church?" Much to our surprise that is not how the Bible uses the term. Not at all. Certainly, the body of Christ is a vast throng, millions of people around the globe. But when Scripture talks about church, it means community. The little fellowships of the heart that are outposts of the kingdom. A shared life. They worship together, eat together, pray for one another, go on quests together. They hang out together, in each other's homes. When Peter was sprung from prison, "he went to the house of Mary the mother of John" where the church had gathered to pray for his release (Acts 12:12).

Anytime an army goes to war or an expedition takes to the field, it breaks down into little platoons and squads. And every chronicle of war or quest will tell you that the men and women who fought so bravely fought for each other. That's where the acts of heroism and sacrifice take place because that's where the devotion is. You simply cannot be devoted to a mass of people; devotion takes place in small units, just as in a family.

"We have stopped short of being an organization; we are an organism instead, a living and spontaneous association of individuals who know one another intimately, care for each other deeply, and feel a kind of respect for one another that makes rules and bylaws unnecessary. A group is the right size, I would guess, when each member can pray for every other member, individually and by name." ~Brother Andrew

~ John Eldredge, Waking the Dead: The Glory of a Heart Fully Alive

July 26, 2007

comes from the heart

"Do the kinds of things that come from the heart. When you do, you won't be dissatisfied, you won't be envious, you won't be longing for somebody else's things. On the contrary, you'll be overwhelmed with what comes back."

~ Tuesdays with Morrie, p. 128

July 22, 2007

a spiritual journey

I have had a couple of people comment to me recently that it appears I have "started" a spiritual journey, that my interest in religion has been "rekindled", or that who I am dating has awaken a new interest in God. I supposed that stems from some of the things I have been posting here. In reality, what has actually happened is that once again, events, people, writings, thoughts, and experiences have aligned in such a way to cause me to clarify what I believe in and very often the result of that is that I tend to write out what I am thinking. It's not a process that stops and starts for me... it's one that is ongoing. It's one where I constantly seek to identify my core values so that I can approach the world and the people around me from a place of honesty and integrity, staying true to the things I believe in the most.

I've written several times in the last few years about someone who enters my world just long enough to drop an idea or suggest a book or engage in a conversation that serves as a catalyst for my own thoughts. I do not believe these are random occurrences. I do believe that they happen just at the point in my life when I am most ready to be open and accepting to the message they are intended to convey. Sometimes that person disappears off the radar screen as quickly and mysteriously as they came... other times they become an important part of my life for an extended time. In either case, I am grateful for the experience and I know that there is a divine reason that their world intersected with mine at just that point in time.

Continue reading "a spiritual journey" »

July 21, 2007

passion isn't only good... it's REQUIRED!

And so Screwtape reveals the Enemy’s ploy—first make humans flabby, with small passions and desires, then offer a sop to those diminished passions so that their experience is one of contentment. They know nothing of great joy or great sorrow. They are merely nice.

Christianity has come to the point where we believe that there is no higher aspiration for the human soul than to be nice. We are producing a generation of men and women whose greatest virtue is that they don’t offend anyone. Then we wonder why there is not more passion for Christ. How can we hunger and thirst after righteousness if we have ceased hungering and thirsting altogether? As C. S. Lewis said, “We castrate the gelding and bid him be fruitful.”

The greatest enemy of holiness is not passion; it is apathy. Look at Jesus. He was no milksop. His life was charged with passion. After he drove the crooks from the temple, “his disciples remembered that it is written: ‘Zeal for your house will consume me’” (John 2:17). This isn’t quite the pictures we have in Sunday school, Jesus with a lamb and a child or two, looking for all the world like Mr. Rogers with a beard. The world’s nicest guy. He was something far more powerful. He was holy.

~ John Eldredge, (The Journey of Desire, 53–54)

July 19, 2007

metaphors

The Bible uses a number of metaphors to describe our relationship to God at various stages. If you’ll notice, they ascend in a stunning way:

Potter and clay. At this level we are merely aware that our lives are shaped—even broken—by a powerful hand. There isn’t much communication, just the sovereignty of God at work.

Shepherd and sheep. At this stage we feel provided for, watched over, cared about. But beyond that, a sheep has little by way of true intimacy with the Shepherd. They are altogether different creatures.

Master and servant. Many, many believers are stuck in this stage, where they are committed to obey, but the relationship is mostly about receiving orders and instructions and carrying them out.

Continue reading "metaphors" »

July 13, 2007

seeing with your heart

"What more can be said, what greater case could be made than this: to find God, you must look with all your heart. To remain present to God, you must remain present to your heart. To hear his voice, you must listen with your heart. To love him, you must love with all your heart. You cannot be the person God meant you to be, and you cannot live the life he meant you to live, unless you live from the heart." (p. 49)

"Of course your heart would be the object of a great and fierce battle. It is your most precious possession. Without your heart you cannot have God. Without your heart you cannot have love. Without your heart you cannot have faith. Without your heart you cannot find the work you were meant to do. In other words, without your heart you cannot have life. " (p. 52)

- John Eldredge, Waking the Dead: The Glory of a Heart Fully Alive

June 17, 2007

what if?

What if you had a sure knowledge of God and of your mission in life... a deep understanding that transcended anything else that you might know or understand? And what if all of the writings, religions, rituals that are normally associated with that journey to God were lost? Would that knowledge alone be enough to sustain you and ensure your journey back to Him?

An interesting, paradigm-shifting question that was discussed this weekend.

What if?

June 12, 2007

convergence of events

Once again, I feel a heavenly influence in the convergence of events that seems to be lining up. I just got a phone call asking for a big favor... and it made me think of the girls in Utah that want to come back to cali... so I called one of them to discover that this might be the perfect reason for them to come back... so it seems like it might all work out for the best for all of us... I'll know in a day or two. Very cool.

May 26, 2007

A Memorial Day Tribute

YouTube Video via BestOfYT.com

CNN has a beautiful video version.

May 13, 2007

professions of faith

"The lady doth protest too much, methinks." -- From Hamlet (III, ii, 239)

Yesterday I was talking with a friend of mine who continually sprinkled praises to Jesus into about every other sentence. It did get a little annoying after a bit and it made me wonder why it makes me slightly uncomfortable when people do that. I guess it sort of bothers me when people continually have to tell others who they are and what they believe instead of just being who they are and believing what they believe. As far as God goes, to me that's something that should be a very personal, very intimate relationship and not something I am interested in pushing out in front of everyone to see. It's not that I'm not willing to talk about what I think and believe with people. It's that I think who I am and how I relate to the people around me should speak for itself. No need to advertise.

May 03, 2007

true

"God is subtle but he is not malicious."
~ Albert Einstein

Sometimes when you think He isn't around because you don't hear His voice, maybe it means you're just on the right track. I don't think God micromanages. I think He lets us make our own decisions and unless we are way off base, we probably won't hear much from Him. He's the one who gave us our intelligence and our reason. I assume He expects us to use it.

June 17, 2006

Ocean waves and desert winds

It's dark out. I am out here with my eyes closed, taking in the sounds and feelings and impressions all around me and I knew I just had to write about it. Warm early summer winds rolling off jagged mountain peaks, cascading across the desert floor like waves across the ocean crashing upon the shoreline, some with great force and others with quiet gentleness. The swing rocks softly to the rhythm of the music of the poplar trees, rustling leaves moving with the ebb and flow of the wind. In my mind, I can remember a time a few years back when, under the light of a full moon, I lay on a Malibu beach and listened to the ocean thunder. I recall the synchronicity I felt with the world around me. There is a parallel between that time and this, a similar feeling evoked by the rhythm of nature around me. With my eyes closed, I can bring back memories of tender sweetness and hungry passion, of peaceful times and reflective insights. For a while anyhow, the rest of the world, with its worries and concerns and judgements, melts away. Do I have to go back in?

December 03, 2005

My Cosmic Cousin

There are people out there, every so often, that come into your life, seemingly just to uplift your spirit and nourish your soul. Chatting tonight, he said something about what the Pepperdine program has meant to him, and I referred him to something I wrote upon graduation... almost word for word the same ideas. That has happened so many times that we joke that we are Cosmic Cousins. It is an amazing thing to make deep connections with someone on a level that has nothing to do with religion or romance or politics or any of those things... just connected on a way of looking at the world and on wanting to make a difference in the lives of others. We finished tonight talking about blueberry-mango jello, but really, his comment could refer to anything, anything at all.

PR: nothin' impossible here my friend.
DK: :)
DK: i like that
PR: :-)
DK: sleep well
PR: dream deeply.
DK: :)
PR: visit the place where its all good.
PR: catch a handful of the goodness
PR: and wakeup holding it.
PR: and savor.
PR: u're getting there.

May 10, 2005

A new day

sierraMist.jpgsierraSunrise.jpg

One of the best things about God's love is that every day is a new day. The sun comes up, the day starts fresh, and you have an opportunity to try it all again. What a wonderful blessing :)